Under no circumstances ever should you bring last night’s fish to the office to re-heat! I can not think of a more disgusting smell to hit your nose when you go into eat your lunch. You might as well take a shit on the table next to me because I think I’d be able to stomach eating with that smell better than re-heated fish! It’s bad enough when you cook it the first time … but you did that at your house … and I didn’t have to smell it. Don’t you dare bring that shit to work where I have no choice but to smell it. Have some fucking consideration for other people. Although you may not think it’s bad … the majority of people can’t stomach the smell!
Why do the school buses have to stop on a busy street to pick up kids!? Why can’t they turn the corner into a residential street to pick up the little brats!? It’s bad enough that they block a lane that cars are in but now they have the flashing red lights that every fucking car in the vicinity has to stop. I get it … I’m not a complete dick! I know that some kids aren’t paying attention to their surroundings and might run across the street to get to the bus and nobody wants to see some kid nailed by a car! You know the solution … have the bus stop on a fucking residential street! It’s not rocket science! Why would you want the kids lining up on a busy street waiting for the bus anyways!? The speed limit on residential streets: 25mph. The speed limit on a busy street: 40mph. Hmmm? Where would it be more dangerous? I’m sure some of you are saying but the bus would have to turn around and that would take more time. You know what takes more time? Me getting to work … because it adds another 10 minutes waiting for this shit! I know, I know … the children are our future. You want a better future … teach these kids that you have to be considerate and think of others … like this guy who is just trying to get to work. Teach these kids to try to be considerate of other people in everything that they do instead of teaching them about gender fluidity (that I’ll save for another fucking post later) and you might end up with a better world. I try to be considerate of others but honestly it seems like the feeling is reciprocated less and less anymore. I’m starting to wonder if I’m the only idiot still adhering to those ideals.
There aren’t many things more aggravating than someone who talks through you! This usually happens when someone has a superiority complex or they just don’t think you’re worth a shit! I’m sure you’ve been in the situation before when someone asks you a question and as you’re 4 words into your answer they just start talking over you while you are still talking! The first time it happens, you usually won’t think much of it. Conversations have a give and take and sometimes talking can overlap. If it’s a one time offense, most people don’t dwell on it. What I’m talking about is the person who consistently does it throughout a conversation … and it’s clear they are meaning to do it. I mean, who the fuck does that!? It’s fucking rude and it makes me like you even less than I already do. It shows they have no respect for you.
Circumstances dictate how you react to this. If it’s a boss, most people just have to clinch their fist, bite their lip and tolerate it. Usually you don’t hear what he or she is saying anymore because all you can fantasize about is jamming the pen in your hand through their fucking throat and screaming “Will you just shut the fuck up for once!” Autopilot kicks in at this point and you nod and do whatever you can to exit the situation before you lose your shit and say something that sees you out the front door with your belongings in a box and a security guard escort. This is usually where it occurs the most because many bosses are assholes and use their position to treat others like shit.
It’s not only a workplace occurrence though. There are enough self-important people in the world that it happens in other circumstances as well. Usually this activates my asshole mechanism. I start becoming a passive-aggressive dick and will continue to keep talking even when they are. I do this hoping they will have an epiphany and realize that it’s rude that I’m talking through them and realize they are doing it to me and stop … but that very rarely happens. Usually nothing can be done to remedy the situation because someone who repeatedly does it is a douchebag that is incapable of change.
I am so tired of everything having to be so fucking politically correct! It’s so out of control people are trying to erase parts of history. The so called “social justice warriors” should just shut the fuck up and not worry so much about other people. Don’t you people have jobs!? These assholes create problems where there aren’t any, just so they can get attention and try to change the world into their narrow minded, fucked up little views. They want to erase or shout down anything that is not politically correct … whether it’s recent or even in the past. I imagine many of them didn’t get the attention they wanted from mommy and daddy and now we are paying the price. Business and governments cower to these fuckers for fear of bad publicity. I don’t know who I am more disgusted with … the SJW or the entity that gives into them.
Take for example: Disney. They are not going to include Song of the South in their new streaming service because it is deemed racist. They are also editing out the Jim Crow scene from Dumbo because of the crow’s Doo-wop singing. These movies were made back in the 1940s when that was commonplace in the culture. Regardless of your beliefs on whether it is morally right is beside the point. These things happened in history and acting like they didn’t doesn’t change that it happened! Grab a fucking backbone Iger!
You saw this play out in the South not too long ago with people wanting all the Confederate statues taken down. Sure, there were some heinous things that occurred in the South’s history but guess what … they occurred! Taking down the statue doesn’t erase that is happened! Just because you have a statue up doesn’t mean you are necessarily worshiping what that person did. If it had significance in history then a statue to remember it is not unimaginable … even if it hurts your fragile sensibilities. And taking the statue down is not going to erase that it happened!
This shit is rampant everywhere. Take Hollywood for example. Look at all the actors who everybody wants to act like they don’t exist anymore. The alleged things Kevin Spacey did does not change the fact that he is a great actor with a body of work that should be envied by many. His movies are the same movies that were praised before a few people decided he’s a monster. And what pisses me off is that everybody is so quick to run from anything that may label them some undesirable term or associate them with something that is not politically correct. It’s pathetic! Regardless of what Kevin Spacey did in his personal life, it will never change the fact that he is awesome in more movies then I have space to list here!
People are incapable of holding two opinions about something anymore. Throw the baby out with the bathwater comes to mind. Something is offensive so we will just erase it completely. Humans do bad things … sorry. They happen and we hopefully can learn from them. Acting like it didn’t happen or trying to erase evidence of it is ridiculous! Growing up and being an adult is learning that shit happens and hopefully we can learn from these things. Erasing the “undesirable” past or acting like something or someone doesn’t exist to ease your fragile sensibilities is dangerous. If the ugly things are not kept in the open for people to see and learn from … then they are bound to happen again because human nature is well … human.
I don’t know when this started …or why? If you’re not sure what I’m talking about … it’s when a cashier hands your change back to you dollar bills first and then coins on top. This in turn makes it a balancing act trying to make sure all the coins don’t fall and roll all over the floor when you move your hand. Remember the good ol’ days when a cashier handed you the coins in your palm and then the bills in the other hand. This … is the correct and only way it should be done. This allows you to close your fist over the coins to put them in your pocket or purse and then put away the bills. The coins on top of the bills is just plain stupid! If you think this way of change delivery is acceptable, I want nothing to do with you. If you think that’s acceptable, you’re probably a person who just makes a fist around everything and jams it in your pocket all together. Who does that? A crazy person!? The topper is when the receipt is thrown in the mix. You know you have to keep your receipt out to show it at the door! The cashier hands you this jumbled mess to deal with and then quickly moves on to help the next customer. The next customer moves forward, in turn pressuring you to move on while you have to try and dissect this mess just placed in your hand. If there ever was an anxiety moment … this is it … because you can’t just stand there putting everything away and hold up the line. I truly feel mankind has taken a step backwards with this move.
The incorrect way.
The CORRECT way.
Why did it happen though? My guess is that people have become such germophobes that they don’t want to touch another person’s hand during the exchange. If you’re dealing with a person who smells like they just swam in a 2 month old Porta Potty … I could see why you might deliver change this way. Stink like that doesn’t come off with just plain soap. But if it’s just a normal, run of the mill person … there is no need for that shit! Your job in customer service is to make it pleasant for the customer. And handing me my change in this manner … is in no way pleasant! If you hand me change that way … and it rolls on to the floor … you are going to have an interaction with me that you wished never happened. Just saying …
I should not feel breath on the back of my neck when I’m standing in line! I move forward because the person behind me is uncomfortably close. A few seconds later, I feel their breath on my neck again. What the fuck, man!? Do you not know the concept of personal space!? I’m guessing … the answer is NO! I’m probably going to piss a lot of people off … but I’m going to say it anyways … Asians are the worst offenders. Go ahead and call me racist, politically incorrect, xenophobic or whatever other new term snowflakes have come up with … but you know I’m right! Obviously, not every Asian in the world does this but a large number of them are guilty … so I’m going to generalize and stereotype. I think it’s just part of their culture. Shit, if you lived with 4 billion other people, you wouldn’t understand personal space either!
It’s happened to me many times! I turn around and shoot them a dirty look and they look at me completely expressionless. He has no idea why I turned around to look at him. Frustrated that my look didn’t have the impact I anticipated, I move up and moments later … breath on my neck. There have been numerous times where I am even standing at the PDQ entering my PIN number and they are practically up my ass! I’m entering personal info … back the fuck up!
“Excuse YOU!” I say.
Confused at my outburst … but aware that I’m annoyed with him for something … he takes a half step back. No words … just a half step back. Now he is 4 inches away from me instead of 2! I finish up my transaction mumbling some unflattering phrases about this guy … loud enough for him to hear … but he is completely unphased. I know people who come from other countries to become citizens have to learn about our Constitution and laws … but I propose we focus on teaching them the unwritten laws of our culture.
I got to the movie theater early so that I could pick my seat. I knew I would have to sit in the theater entertaining myself for 30 minutes before the movie started. I do this because I want to enjoy my movie in the perfect seat… especially as much as going to the movies costs these days! I settle into my seat and get comfortable. I eyeball everyone walking up the stairs … praying that they sit in another row. If they do come to my row, then I pray that they leave the required space between myself and them … like any sane person does. Okay, they did the socially acceptable move and left a seat space. Whew! Still kind of close … but I adjust. Now I’m watching people come up the stairs on the other side. They’re coming down my aisle. They leave a space. Whew! Okay, that’s all done now, so I’m set and I can get ready to watch the movie with no more interruptions! The movie is about to start and the theater is pretty full. I can’t believe people waited this long to try to come into the theater. They’re going to have to sit in the front and crane their necks. Oh well! … that’s what happens when you wait until the last minute to try and find a seat.
Why are those people coming up the stairs looking at me!? They’re a couple … there’s no place for them to sit. There are only single seats on either side of me. They’re still coming this way. Don’t you even fucking think about it!
“Excuse me, do you mind scooting down so that we can sit there?”
You’ve got to be kidding me!? Who do these people think they are!? You expect to come into the theater 30 seconds before the movie starts and get my perfectly centered seat … that I came early to get? No fucking way! I look at him and say “No.” He looks at me in utter shock and disbelief … like I’m being unreasonable. What’s unreasonable is expecting me to move out of my seat because you couldn’t get your ass down to the theater early. These are unwritten rules of society people! Maybe there are idiots out there who are nice enough to move for a self-aggrandizing asshole … but I’m not that person. Go sit down at the front! Maybe next time you should plan ahead … and I hope your neck is killing you by the end of the movie!
I called you. We spoke in great detail about the available dates. I decided on a date and time. You verified it by telling me you are putting me down for that date and time.
“Okay. We’ll see you May 13th at 6pm.”
Now I receive a postcard in the mail a week later that I need to call to confirm my appointment or lose it! What the fuck!? I thought everything was set? Nothing changed on my end. I wrote it on my calendar. I haven’t missed any scheduled appointments before!
When the fuck did this become a thing!? I have to confirm an appointment I already made? What was it the first time I called … a suggestion? Is there a process now to making appointments? I thought I just called and we both wrote it down and that was that. If I’m a douchebag who constantly misses my appointments and doesn’t call to cancel … okay … I can see why you might start doing this – but I’m not that douchebag! If I can’t make it .. I call and cancel within the specified time. The problem is there are an increasing amount of self-absorbed assholes in the world that don’t bother to call if they can’t make it. They just figure that “…it’s no big deal if I miss it” – not grasping the concept that appointments are how doctors make a living. So doctors just do a blanket bullshit move like this … instead of calling out the actual assholes who don’t call to cancel their appointments and fuck up their schedules! In the current over-sensitive state of the world, nobody wants to make anybody feel ostracized by calling out their dick move … so everyone gets punished. That seems fair, don’t you think!?
I’ve never had this happen to me before … until today. I put my groceries on the conveyor belt and moved forward to the PDQ terminal to run my ATM card. I’m watching the screen, making sure everything gets rung up correctly. Matching what’s scanned to what comes up on the screen. I see the cashier get to … what I remember … was the last thing I had in my cluster of groceries. Then I look down and she’s ringing up things I didn’t get! I quickly look down to see there is a whole conveyor full of groceries. I quickly tell her that those are not my items. I look back down to the conveyor and the people behind me did not put down a separator! They didn’t even put a space between my groceries and theirs. What kind of maniacs do that!? There are unwritten rules of the conveyor belt! Your groceries should never touch my groceries! If the store does not have a separator then it’s required to leave a space between my groceries and yours. Everybody knows that!
What are these losers doing!? They didn’t even move or motion to let the cashier know that those are their groceries. What did they think was going to happen!? What was their end game!? Did they think I would pay for their groceries and then hit me up in the parking lot? What’s wrong with these people? No, “Oh! Sorry.” … or anything. And it’s not like they were conversing and not paying attention. They saw what was happening! And people wonder why I am the way I am. It’s a dog eat dog world out there! People will take advantage of you given the chance… and apparently their is no reprieve at the grocery store either!
But do we really need a National Day for every fucking thing in the world!? Apparently there are close to 1500 National Days. What calendar are we using!? The calendar I’m using only has 365 days. We have so many “important” things to celebrate … we have to celebrate 4 a day if we average them out! Get the fuck out of here! Who’s making this shit up!? I checked and multiple websites have different things on different days. There’s no definitive source! Apparently you pull any idea out of your ass and … Voila! … it’s a National Day! Are there that many people so desperate to relate to others?
“You know Lima Beans don’t get enough attention. Let’s make a National Day for them so we can draw attention to the plight of this poor legume! Let’s call it National Lima Bean Respect Day. Let’s do it on April 20th!”
Maybe the reason the world is going to Hell in a handbasket is because people are more focused on celebrating National Answer Your Cat’s Question Day (I’m not shitting you! www.nationalday.com [January 22nd] … look for yourself). No one’s focusing on real problems. Then again … if you’re trying to talk with your cat … there is no way you’re solving any problems in this world. Shit, you ARE the problem … you fucking nut job!
Here’s a few more of them that you definitely don’t want to miss:
January 14 – National Dress Up Your Pet Day (apparently the crazy pet owners decided to make this every day!)
February 24 – National Tortilla Chip Day (Shit, why not!?)
March 18 – National Awkward Moments Day (that’s most days for people subscribing to this shit)
April 18 – National High-Five Day (Yeah … I’m not doing that)
May 4 – National Star Wars Day (Nerds of the world unite!)
June 21 – National Selfie Day (Sorry Maniscalco, there’s a LOT of lonely people in this world apparently)
July 5 – National Bikini Day (well … maybe I can get behind this one!)
August 16 – National Tell A Joke Day (I’ll help you out with this one. Why does Santa have such a big sack? Because he only comes once a year.)
A glove!? Santa … you savage!
September 19 – National Talk Like A Pirate Day (This is the worst one!)
October 11 – National Coming Out Day (this is also National Sausage Pizza Day and there’s a joke there somewhere … I’ll let you figure it out!)
November 5 – National Redhead Day (well … gingers don’t have much else to celebrate)
December 3 – National Disability Day (do your part and help a cripple)
This is just a small sample of the insanity. Go ahead, look it up and see what other days wackos are celebrating. Apparently it’s easy enough to make a National Day, so go ahead and make one up and let me know when to celebrate it! Personally … I’m waiting for October 13th. Burn ’em!
TodaysPetPeeve 