Welcome to Today’s Pet Peeve.

If you are easily offended … you should probably leave now.

I’m not politically correct and undoubtedly I WILL say some offensive things. If you are easily offended this is not a place for you. If you have a thick skin and can take a joke, stick around and I’ll try to make you laugh as often as I can and share all the little things that piss me off … and probably piss you off too.

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton

Birds and My Clean Car

I don’t keep my car as clean as I’d like to. There is a neighbor down the street that is out washing his car almost every weekend. I’m jealous of his dedication. I wish I had that kind of energy and motivation … but I’m just too lazy. It’s just easier to look at my car and say “Ehh, it’s clean enough.” PLUS … it seems whenever I wash my car … within hours some fucking bird has taken the biggest shit I’ve ever seen on my newly washed car!

What the fuck?! When my car is dirty it rarely becomes the target of some birds anal fury but as soon as I wash it … BOOM! Are birds that smart? Doubt it. Are they vindictive little pricks? Seems like it! I believe they are attracted to shiny things. In my scientific research (i.e. googling it), I found this information:

“…  the attraction some species of bird hold for shiny objects, such as jewelry. This attraction can lead birds to enter a house or even try to steal a shiny object. Birds may desire these objects to attract mates, or to decorate their nests to help visiting females feel more comfortable .”

Apparently, humans aren’t the only species with gold diggers! Just kidding ladies! Relax … don’t hit me with your $2000 Louis Vuitton purse. Sorry, as I was saying … it never fails that when my car is clean, it is inevitable that a bird is going to litter my car with shit!

This leads me to believe that I should not wash my car very often. It seems logical. I’m not saying to let it become so dirty that some douchebag feels the need to write “Wash Me!” on the windshield (I can’t stand that!) but keeping it clean constantly and getting shit on is just inviting aggravation into my life! So when you see me and my car is dirty, just know that I wanted to wash it … but I couldn’t. Also, when you see me hit a bird with my car and laugh, don’t get pissed, I’m just trying to even the score … and I’m way behind.

No Stopping Any Time

I can’t stand the hypocrisy! There is a sign right there that says “No Stopping Any Time” but because it has to do with moving tourists around … we’ll look the other way. There’s even a cop in the turn lane (out of the frame) and he does nothing! This is not a one time incident! This is the turn lane that I need to go to work and this mother-fucker blocks it almost daily. And he’s not dropping people off and quickly moving along. No! This asshole sits there waiting for hotel guests to get down to the bus. Sometimes as long as 5 minutes! If I decided to stop right there and wait for someone I was picking up at the hotel, I can almost guarantee I would get ticketed!

Why won’t they make this asshole pull into the hotel’s parking lot to pick up Billy Bob, Dixie and their gaggle of kids. I’ll tell you why! They don’t want to disrupt anything that’s going to bring people to the Happiest Place on Earth to spend their hard earned cash. This might stem the flow of tax dollars to the city. Well it’s a major inconvenience for me since I need to make that turn!

Passing by, I see the hotel has a carport that probably isn’t tall enough for the bus to fit through and the bus would have a hard time turning around in it’s small parking lot. Guess what? Not my fucking problem! The hotel can pony up and raise their carport to accommodate the bus. If the bus can’t turn around in the parking lot … then figure something else out! It should not be able to blatantly disregard street signs that everybody else has to obey. It’s an inconvenience to everyone going to work … but that’s okay because they’re taking tourists to Disneyland … so rules don’t apply to them!

Empty Bag of Chips

This happens more and more and to tell you the truth I’m getting pretty fucking tired of it. You know when you grab a bag of chips with your sandwich and open it up to find it’s mostly air!

I’m sure all the manufacturing companies will tell you that they need all the nitrogen in the bag to keep it fresh and blah, blah, blah. I think it’s bullshit! They also say it’s to cushion the chips so they don’t get damaged. Sure there may be a smidgen of truth to those excuses but I’m pretty sure they could fit more product in the bag with the nitrogen and have it stay fresh and cushioned just fine! I barely have enough chips to see my sandwich through to the end! And do you think the price of the chips went down? No fucking way! What they should do is be honest with the packaging and label it like this:

Gigantic Rolls of TP

I understand if you want to improve something. You want to make your product better. You want to make it out of … what’s the current feel good term … sustainable products. Go for it! I didn’t realize that the toilet paper business was so competitive and you needed to best your competition … but what do I know!? You can change the way you make it. You can tout how it’s “responsible paper making” and you use recycled paper. You can use a new “green” product that makes it feel like butter on your ass if you want and make it even more biodegradable. Sure … do all you can to make it a better product but stop making the fucking rolls bigger!!

I get the 1-ply to 2-ply thing. The rolls naturally got bigger because of the layers doubling. Nobody wants to use paper that’s nearly transparent. No one I know enjoys the accidental finger poke through … so that change I understood … but this shit is getting out of control now. The companies are in a competition to see who can make the largest roll! I don’t want to have to change out hardware in my bathroom just to accommodate the next generation of toilet paper that’s a 12″ diameter roll.

The Colossal-Super-Duper Mega roll.

Mega made the rolls too large! NOW they have Super Mega. What the Fuck!? What’s the next connotation going to be? Super-Duper Mega. What’s after that? Colossal-Super-Duper Mega? Is the traditional holder going to move from the wall to a stand alone piece of furniture in the bathroom!?

As much as I believe in the free market idea we need to have a Toilet Paper Consortium created to get this wayward trend under control! Now it’s getting harder and harder to find “normal” sized rolls because the toilet paper companies only want to sell the larger sized rolls! I don’t think I should have to change out my holder to accommodate this trend. I have enough other shit that needs to be done on my house! Why is this even a thing!? Are we that lazy that we don’t want to have to change the roll out more than once a month? Are people that full of shit? Forget that question … I know the answer. Everybody else seems to be okay with this trend. I must be alone on this one. I guess I’ll have to start shopping for a new fucking toilet paper holder tomorrow.

False Racism

A racist is someone who does something solely based upon a person’s race. An example of this would be whites in the south during the Jim Crow era who attacked blacks for no other reason than their skin color. Another example of this would be the creation of the channel BET. Or the organization La Raza. Yeah! I’m going there! These organizations are racist because they exist solely to focus on interests of a specific race. By definition that’s racist! Yet … when the term racist is used it’s almost always meant to describe white males and ignores all other forms of racism.

Let’s cut the shit! You can’t have it both ways. You can’t say you want to be equal and then have a channel that predominately shows black actors in most of it’s televised line-up. Sure there’s some white people sprinkled in there so they can claim they’re not solely a channel for black people but the same argument can be used for the Oscars if you want to go there. Sure, the Oscars may be predominately white but there have been some black actors who have won. So fuck off with your hypocritical bullshit! You want “equality” but you want to keep separation. Going on the BET website today I found an article about Pete Buttigieg on the Black Vote. Isn’t the “Black Vote” an inherently racist idea!? Why is no one calling this racist?

How is this any different from white pride?

Then we’ve got La Raza. I’ve heard the explanations that it doesn’t mean the race, it means the community. Oh yeah? Last I checked it literally translates THE RACE. If it’s not meant to connotate that Hispanics are a superior race then why did Eliezer Risco start a paper called La Raza in the late 1960’s to promote the Brown Power movement. Not oppressed laborers of all races … just the Hispanics. You’re right. That doesn’t sound racist at all. You put “Be White & Be Proud” on that banner above and suddenly it becomes unacceptable.

Racists exist in ALL races but society predominantly associates it with the white male. When you see people marching in the streets with white pride banners it’s an atrocity but people marching above with brown pride banners … totally okay. How the fuck is that!? You can’t be a hypocrite! Either you believe we are all the same and there shouldn’t be any special channels, clubs, parades, etc. or you are okay with every race celebrating it’s own unique heritage and all can celebrate equally!

Now that I’ve hopefully convinced you everyone is equally racist, this leads me to my point. I’m fucking tired of the term being hi-jacked and turned into something it’s not by social activists who can’t get enough people to support their cause on it’s own merits. They scream racism about anyone who opposes them and that’s a bullshit argument! Then because of the fucked up political correctness, that’s infected our society, people don’t oppose these loud mouthed mother-fuckers for fear of being labeled a racist! You can’t have a rational conversation proving your objections are not racist with a person hell bent on a cause. They will scream at you and call you whatever name they can to silence you. Racist seems to be the go to term.

By politicizing racism and using the term as political warfare it takes away from what racism really is and labels people unjustly who simply disagree with a point of view. What happened to people being able to debate? Oh yeah! People don’t want to be shown that their point of view may be incorrect or misguided. They don’t participate in that anymore and just scream racism if somebody starts to put holes in their arguments. Then the media picks it up and runs with it because racism gets everybody’s blood boiling because they’ve been trained like Pavlovian dog’s that racism is bad! That’s not the case though … is it? BET is okay. La Raza is okay. Only white racism is bad. How about you stop the fucking hypocrisy and level the playing field. Either it’s okay everywhere or it’s abhorrent on it’s face. And most of all … stop distorting it and using it incorrectly for political purposes!

Public Dog Defecation

I’m not sure if the culture has changed or something in me has changed and now I’m just noticing things I didn’t notice before. Hmmm … I’m going to go with the culture because I don’t remember the whacked out crazy pet people being so prevalent when I was a kid. When I was a kid people had dogs and they stayed at home to protect the residence. They didn’t fit in a purse. They slept outside (and survived). They ate dry dog food … and they shit in the owner’s backyard.

Just what I want to see!

Well, now I can’t go a week without seeing someone’s dog taking a shit on the grass by the curb while I drive to work! I don’t want to see Spot pushing out a log right after I’ve eaten breakfast. What the fuck is wrong with people these days!? People walk out the door with their dog, a baggy and the intention to have their dog shit while they stand next to it. Then they pick up the hot, steamy pile of dog shit with their hand and bring it with them for the rest of their walk.

Awesome! A hot, steamy bag of shit!

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am grateful that people pick up their dog’s shit rather than just leaving it there … but can’t you train your dog to shit at home with only an occasional oops when he’s out? I cleaned up after my dog for 10 years until he died and cleaning up his shit in my backyard was one of my least favorite things … and I let the sun dry it out before I picked it up. Any that weren’t dried out … waited for next trash pick up. Now I constantly see people standing next to their dog, holding the leash talking with their friend while the dog takes a deuce. Then, just as a matter of fact, they reach down with a baggy and pick it up and keep walking … hot, steamy shitbag in hand. Fucking gross!

I don’t know. Maybe I have an unusual aversion to feces that most people don’t. I just don’t think it’s normal to stand there while your dog takes a shit. I don’t think you need to have it on parade for everyone to watch either. No one enjoys watching this. Let’s move the dog’s business back to the backyard … where it belongs!

Wide Turns

You know when you are coming up on an intersection and the person turning all of a sudden veers into your lane to make their turn nearly sideswiping you. For whatever reason, suddenly they feel like they are driving an 18 wheeler that just won’t make it around the turn without taking a wide path. I can’t tell you how many times this has happened to me and thus far, by the grace of God, nobody has hit my car. I recall a few times that the other car was within inches … but luckily no contact was made. I feel the worst part about this occurrence though is the inability to interact with the offending party and convey your thoughts to them about what assholes they are since they are turning and aren’t looking in your direction when it occurs.

By the time you’ve passed their car and gotten your car steady enough to take your hand off the wheel to flip them off, they are going in another direction and don’t get the full extent of your anger. Nine times out of ten, the offending party doesn’t even have an idea what just occurred leaving you in a rage that gets directed at no one. They are clueless that they almost got in an accident because they are oblivious … or they are busy texting or possibly watching a movie (yes, I’ve witnessed this!). People are living in their own little worlds lately and have become clueless to what is going on around them! I never completely understood the term “drive defensively” but I think I’ve finally come to understand what it means. It basically means assume everybody can’t drive worth a shit and are going to hit your car at any given moment … so be prepared.