If you are easily offended … you should probably leave now.
I’m not politically correct and undoubtedly I WILL say some offensive things. If you are easily offended this is not a place for you. If you have a thick skin and can take a joke, stick around and I’ll try to make you laugh as often as I can and share all the little things that piss me off … and probably piss you off too.
Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton
Maybe it’s just me … but it sure seems like drive-thru lanes are getting smaller. If you’re driving one of those smart cars (seen below)…
you can easily navigate through … but if you are driving anything else, you’d best hold your breath.
I have a truck slightly smaller than the one pictured above (yeah … I know … I’m compensating for something) and it’s all I can do to make it through the drive-thru without fucking my truck up. All the tire marks you see on the curb while you’re waiting in the drive-thru … they’re all from me! There are some drive-thrus I won’t even try because I don’t want to be “that” guy. You know … the one that gets stuck and everyone says “What the fuck were you thinking!?” … like this:
Seriously!? I get it … it’s cold and there’s snow on the ground but did you really think you could get a fucking semi through there!?
I think it’s all part of the government trying to get us into smaller, gas-efficient cars. They had a meeting at Steyer’s house and came to the conclusion that the most efficient way to make us give up our big, gas-guzzling cars was to make the fast food drive-thru smaller.
“Why is that?” … you ask.
They know we’ve become lazy and don’t want to get out of our cars to get food and they know we are all a bunch of lazy assholes craving salty fries … so to continue to be able to get through the drive-thru … they figure we’ll start buying smaller cars. Okay … maybe there’s not a lot of facts to back up that theory … but it seems plausible to me!
They know they are building the lanes smaller too! Have you ever noticed how many more of those concrete filled steel posts they have lining the lane!? Those are to prevent you from hitting and damaging their building. If they fuck up your car … oh well!
Who’s designing these lanes!? Who do they think are going through the fast food drive-thru!? The elitists driving the small, gas-efficient cars are going to Whole Foods Market! They’re not going through the drive-thru at Taco Bell.
Going through the drive-thru feels like going down Lombard street!
You’ve got only inches on either side of your car! Pay attention next time you go through the drive-thru. You’ll see a shitload of scrapes on the walls. I can’t be the only one who’s noticed this!? Did you think those were just part of the stucco wall art!? And don’t tell me it’s just because I don’t know how to fucking drive. My driving is just fine … they are just making the lanes smaller now!
Look at this poor guy!
Look at how little room there is to maneuver!
So, if any fast food chain owners happen to be reading this … make the fucking lanes bigger in the next location you’re building. You can enlarge the lanes by making the dining area smaller … nobody’s using it except for the homeless. Everyone else is taking it to go or having it picked up by Postmates … because they are too stoned to go get it themselves.
As long as we are talking about drive-thrus, I want to bring up something else! Is there any way to make a longer drive-thru lane at In-N-Out for fuck’s sake!?
Every time I go there it looks like the 405 at rush hour. I love their burgers just as much as the next guy … but the line is enough to make me keep driving! Lynsi … you know you’re going to have a shit ton of cars lining up … build accordingly! Purchase property that has a lot of space for all the cars … maybe something like this:
Even if it’s a little out of the way, people will drive the extra miles to get there. I’m just saying …
If I’m going to a fast food restaurant … I know what I’m doing! I’m an adult. I made the choice to eat there. Maybe it was out of convenience … or maybe it’s because I wanted something that tastes awesome today!
Maybe it’s only in the Nanny State of California but I’ve noticed a lot of places have started NOT salting their fries. What the fuck!? If I wanted an unsalted fry … I would have ordered a baked potato! Food establishments now want to give people the option of a low sodium french fry.
Get the fuck out of here! If you’re worried about your sodium intake … then don’t eat fast food! Don’t fuck it up for the rest of us! Don’t complain how there should be healthy alternatives on the menu either.
If you want healthy … go to Whole Foods and order your fucking Organic Chia Seed Hummus with Pita Chips. Fast food is fast food. If you don’t want it … don’t get it!
Sorry, I got off topic … back to the fries … if I’m ordering fries, I expect them to be salted immediately upon coming out of the oil. If they are not salted immediately … the salt does not stick to the fry. Salting them after I receive them just makes the salt bounce off the fry like a pinball and down to the bottom of the plate. That just makes a bed of salt at the bottom for the unsalted fry to sit on. That is unacceptable!
Fast food is a comfort food. If I’m eating fast food there is a certain expectation that it’s going to be the way I remember it from last time. Don’t go making changes. Some things don’t need to be changed. Yeah … I’m talking to you Carl! Your fries have sucked ever since you went skin on. Your fries were fine the way they were. Sometimes those “focus groups” don’t know shit!
I’m not sure who or what started this trend or why … but knock it off! Salt the fucking fries like you’re supposed to and let me worry about my blood pressure!
I just want to send my appreciation to McDonald’s and Wienerschnitzel … who have consistently delivered fries the way they should be! Keep up the good work guys!
You are probably wondering what the fuck a bad angle pedestrian is?
It’s a polite term I made up for the asshole who crosses the parking lot at such a long angle that you can’t get by them in your car because they are blocking the road. You are forced to just idle behind them as you watch someone else steal the parking spot you were trying to get to.
You know damn well they hear your car … yet they don’t alter their path to get the fuck out of the way! I know they fucking hear me … because I rev my engine to make sure they know I’m there (I know, I know … I’m a dick). This usually elicits a scowl over the shoulder and a slowing of their pace … as if going slower is even possible. If my window is down, I will passive-aggressively say something loud along the lines of:
“Yeah, just keep walking down the middle of the fucking road … don’t worry about me trying to get by!”
Yeah, it’s immature … but it’s really the only option I have when dealing with such a self-absorbed asshole who has no consideration for anybody else.
In my head, I fantasize about flooring it. As I burn rubber towards them … they turn their head and I see the utter shock in their eyes as they realize what’s happening …
… moments before they jump out of the way! I screech to a stop next to them lying on the ground and tell them to get the fuck out of the way next time!
As my mind shifts back to reality … and I’m still stuck behind them walking at a snail’s pace … I realize they’re just people trying to get somewhere and I wouldn’t want to hurt them. You’re so gullible! They’re a fucking asshole and I’d love to teach them a lesson … but I don’t want to go to jail!
I can’t comprehend the self-righteousness of some people. What the fuck makes them think their time is more valuable than mine!? What makes them think they are so fucking special!? It’s entitlement in one of it’s many forms.
Well … maybe they should pay attention to their fucking surroundings then! Although I’d love to run them over to teach them a lesson … there are other people who just aren’t paying attention and will run over your ass on accident! Do you know how many people are driving and watching videos these days!? The number is staggering!
So next time you are walking to your car … be aware of the path you are taking. Are you being courteous to the people around you … or are you being as asshole?
And if you hear a car behind you revving it’s engine … you might want to get the fuck out of the way … because today may be the day I just don’t give a shit anymore!
When did it become a trend to overlap Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas!? And why have consumers been complacent and not said shit about it!? I know why the retailers do it … money. They are trying to make their “Black Friday” period longer to make more profit … but consumers seem to be okay with it.
I understand with the rise of Amazon, brick and mortar stores have a hard time competing, so they have to try to increase sales anyway they can. It’s irritating as fuck though to see Christmas stuff right next to the Halloween shit!
There is something to be said about celebrating each holiday individually and then moving on to the next one. When you can start preparing for Christmas before Halloween, people don’t put as much effort into Halloween. And if the Christmas shit is out before Halloween, Thanksgiving is all but forgotten.
In the past, the Friday after Thanksgiving was the official mark of the Christmas season … Black Friday. Moms everywhere got up early to hit all the sales and it was an event. Then businesses had to outdo each other, so someone decided to open at midnight after Thanksgiving. The fucking turkey is still cooling off in the refrigerator and stores are having sales! You know Mom can’t miss that! Then that wasn’t good enough anymore … and stores started opening Thanksgiving night! WTF!? If the women are heading out after Thanksgiving … how are the dishes going to get done?
(Relax … I’m fucking joking … they can do them in the morning.)
I understand America is a consumer driven society but can we dial it back a little bit!? Let’s try to keep each holiday separate. I don’t want to see shit for the next holiday until the current one is over!
How the fuck is a last minute shopper like me supposed to go and get my Halloween shit on the 30th … if it’s already off the shelves and there’s only Christmas stuff? I guess the kids are getting candy canes in their Halloween bag this year.
As with everything … there is a positive side and a negative side. Yin and Yang. Balance. This has never been more true than with social media. It has allowed people to stay in contact with friends and family much easier than any other time in history. The down side of social media is that it gives every dumb asshole a platform to say stupid shit … and other dumb assholes parrot it … until it trends and become a news story.
It’s great there is now a movement empowering women to feel good about themselves and embrace their bodies as beautiful … no matter their size or shape. It is finally becoming accepted to have “plus size” models grace the covers of magazines. Why they are called plus size models is beyond me … because these are just real women. Women are supposed to have curves!
I don’t know who in the fashion industry decided that the ideal woman was supposed to have the body of a 10 year old boy? Maybe it’s easier to design clothes on a stick … I don’t know?
Or … maybe there’s another reason why … but I’m not going to dip my toe in that water.
So now the movement is to accept ALL women as beautiful and I think that’s great! Society has finally started to collectively make the shift to accept women as beautiful the way they are. Big. Small. Black. White. Yellow. There is even a model with Vitiligo named Winnie Harlow gracing the covers of magazines and redefining beauty.
We don’t get to choose the body we’re born with so we have to love what we are given and understand that variety is the spice of life. There is someone out there for everybody and someone who thinks you are perfect just the way you are. As a society we are becoming more accepting of women and seeing beauty in many forms …
… unless you’re old!
Apparently if you’re old, society doesn’t want to see it. Suzanne Somers recently posted a picture of herself on her Instagram account in her “birthday suit” sitting in a field. It was unassuming and tasteful …
… but assholes started ripping her to shreds for posting such a photo.
So, apparently there are limits to our new renaissance of acceptance … age. We are willing to accept women in their many forms … if they are young. Although we are becoming accepting of different body types … we don’t want to see old bodies.
There are pictures on the internet with Lizzo in her “birthday suit” and everyone is cheering her on and screaming body beautiful. Tess Holiday is posing and people are giving her praise.
So why not Suzanne? We’re accepting of overweight women but not old women. Doesn’t that seem to be missing the mark of the beauty movement? Aren’t all women beautiful … regardless of size, color or age.
Why don’t you post a picture of yourself when making some shitty comment so we can critique you!? I’m guessing you probably look like this …
… which is why you post comments anonymously.
What do you care if she posts a picture of herself … everyone else is! How is it any different than the pictures above?
This is the same woman who once posed in Playboy …
… and no one gave her shit then.
If we want to pat ourselves on the back as being so progressive in our beliefs … then we have to accept pictures like the ones Suzanne posted. She looks pretty damn good for 73 years old! Everybody feels the need to share their opinions because everyone feels that their opinion matters. If you don’t have anything nice to say … don’t say anything at all. We have this amazing technology at our fingertips that allows us to comment instantly on anything we see. Maybe, that’s not such a great thing. There’s no time spent thinking about what you’re going to say … or if it should even be said.
When you blurt out something stupid to a few friends, they call you an idiot and it ends there. With social media, you are able to say something and the whole world can view it instantly. Maybe we should pause and think about what we are about to say? Is the first thing that comes out of your mouth usually your best comment!? I know it’s not for me. There are many times I will say something and after hearing someone else’s opinion … I realize mine was reactive, immature and not well thought out.
If you are one of the people quick to comment, maybe stop and think for a second before you hit post.
I remember when you used to be rewarded for staying with a company for a long period of time. You paid your bill on time and established a payment history the company appreciated and could count on.
That doesn’t mean shit anymore!
If you are a current customer they couldn’t give a fuck about you. Companies are only interested in acquiring new customers. They’ll offer new customers all the best deals they have to offer … while raising your bill!
I was in the market for a new cell phone. I saw they had a “Buy One, Give One” deal so I figured the wife and I could both upgrade for the price of one phone.
“We’re sorry. That offer is only available to new customers.”
Oh, I’m sorry … I’ve only been a loyal customer who pays my bill on time for 15 years. I was fucking stupid to think that deal might be for me!? (I don’t want to name names, so I won’t tell you that it was AT&T with that bullshit move … oops! … I guess I named names.)
What’s going on!? Am I just that outdated in my way of thinking? Don’t companies want to build relationships with their customers and take care of the ones who pay on time? Apparently not.
Let me use an example that we’ve all had the pleasure of dealing with. The cable company. You finish your contract and the rate has naturally gone up from what it was at the start of the contract. You recently spoke to your neighbor and found out they are getting the same channels for way less than what you’re paying. You call the cable company to complain about how much your bill has gone up and ask them to lower the price. You tell them you’ve spoke with your neighbors and they are getting the same channels but much cheaper.
“They’re a new customer … so they are on a different pricing structure.”
Well, what the fuck can you offer me!?
“I can’t give you that pricing but let me see what specials are available that I can give you.” … (long pause … the sound of typing … the sound of more typing) … “I’ve been authorized to give you Showtime for free … for 3 months.”
That’s it! Bitch, I’ve got an idea! Why don’t you fucking authorize me for the deal my neighbor is getting. Obviously you can give the service away that cheap if he has it! You used to be able to threaten leaving and they’d knock the price down a little bit … but now that shit doesn’t work. They call your bluff and thank you for being a customer and then … your TV goes black.
You call the other guys and get a better deal than you had … but have to go through the hassle of the set up and all that headache! Once you’re done with the contract with the “other guys” and complain about how the price has gone up … they give you the same bullshit. So, you go back to the first company. Now all of a sudden they’re happy to have you back as a customer and give you the pricing you were asking for before! Fucking assholes!
Why couldn’t you just give me that pricing when I asked for it and you could have kept me as a customer!?
Shouldn’t the existing customer get the preferred pricing structure? Wouldn’t it seem like that would be an incentive for a customer to stay with a company to finally reach a tier that’s cheaper. Apparently not! Now the incentive is to leave and eventually come back. I’m just really baffled by the business model they are following.
There is AAA though! They get it. When I call, they thank me for my 20 years of service … and I even have a card that says 20 year member. I know you’re probably thinking …big fucking deal …and normally I would be saying the same thing. For some reason though, those little words … even though they are just words … make a difference. It makes me feel like they appreciate my business … which is a rare feeling these days. Other companies should take a page out of their book.
I don’t believe in much government intervention … but … I’m starting to wonder if they shouldn’t step in and put some standards in place for all these drug company commercials. I know! I know! It goes against everything I believe too … but these commercials are getting out of hand and the networks are such money whores that they will sell air time to anyone except maybe a boy’s summer camp run by the Catholic Church. Who are we kidding … they’d sell them air time too!
There is a new drug commercial coming out every few weeks now telling us we might have “this” problem and to talk with your doctor!
Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s great that medicine has come so far that we have a pill for just about anything that ails you … but shouldn’t these ailments affect people’s lives to the point that they feel they should go to their doctor and have it checked rather than going because they saw a commercial for some pill. America is turning into a bunch of hypochondriacs! People see these commercials and go to their doctor and ask them if they need to be taking this pill.
Patient: So I was wondering if I should take Humira?
Doctor: What symptoms are you having?
Patient: None … but I want to catch it ahead of time.
Doctor: Catch what ahead of time?
Patient: Whatever Humira cures!
It doesn’t help that half of the commercials don’t even tell you what the pill is for and if they do … half of the time you have no idea what the fuck they’re talking about! If you did, you could just dismiss it as a pill someone else needs to take and go on with your day. But these commercials are vague and put doubt and anxiety in a lot of people’s mind. This makes them go to the doctor when they don’t need to … just to make sure they shouldn’t be taking it.
Don’t think for a second this is an accident. The pharmaceutical companies are doing this on purpose. These companies are in the money making business … not the wellness business.
If they were … they would only advertise to doctors. They would be advertising in doctor’s magazines or at a doctor’s trade show … but they’re not. They are advertising to the public to try to sell more pills.
Take for instance Humira. I’m not singling them out as worse than any of the others … but they spent the most in commercial advertising last year … $375,000,000. That’s right … $375 million on commercials for their product! That seems like a lot of money to spend on public air time if it’s only directed towards doctors.
Americans have become anxious and high strung. They can’t deal with stress or cope with problems anymore. They don’t need to think there is some new thing wrong with them that they need to take a pill for. Why the hell do you think voters in half the states are legalizing marijuana!? They figure if they make weed legal they’ll just stay baked all day and then the problems they have won’t feel so overwhelming.
Hmmm … maybe that’s why pharmaceutical companies are pushing their products on television so hard now … because they have to deal with marijuana being legal in so many states. They’ve lost market share! They used to have the market cornered on pain control … but now everyone is just self-medicating with weed.
You wouldn’t think they would want to advertise these commercials to the public since they have to disclose any side effects of the pills. Then again, if they have the same outlook towards the populace that I do, they figure it’s no big deal. Most people have a short attention span so they figure if they put the side effects at the end of the commercial … most people have already tuned out. The side effects are worse than any fucking thing the pill is going to cure.
Below is the “Safety Information” related to taking Humira …
Serious infections have happened in people taking HUMIRA. These serious infections include tuberculosis (TB) and infections caused by viruses, fungi, or bacteria that have spread throughout the body. Some people have died from these infections. For children and adults taking TNF blockers, including HUMIRA, the chance of getting lymphoma or other cancers may increase. There have been cases of unusual cancers in children, teenagers, and young adults using TNF blockers. Some people have developed a rare type of cancer called hepatosplenic T-cell lymphoma. This type of cancer often results in death.
TUBERCULOSIS and CANCER?! Are you fucking kidding me?! I think I’ll just deal with a little arthritis.
Not to single out Humira, here is the “Safety Information” for Lyrica …
LYRICA and LYRICA CR may cause serious, even life-threatening, allergic reactions. Stop taking LYRICA or LYRICA CR and call your doctor right away if you have any signs of a serious allergic reaction. Some signs are swelling of your face, mouth, lips, gums, tongue, throat or neck, if you have any trouble breathing, or have a rash, hives, blisters, or skin redness. LYRICA and LYRICA CR may cause suicidal thoughts. Do not stop taking LYRICA or LYRICA CR without talking to your doctor. If you stop suddenly, you may have headaches, nausea, diarrhea, trouble sleeping, increased sweating, or you may feel anxious. If you have epilepsy, you may have seizures more often.
LIFE-THREATING ALLERGIC REACTION and BLISTERS?! SUICIDAL THOUGHTS!? Maybe Fibromyalgia doesn’t seem so bad? The ironic part of this one is it can be taken for partial onset seizures but in the last line of the “Safety Information” it says you may have more seizures than often. Then why the fuck would someone take it!? Tell me they are not just trying to sell pills!
Here is the “Safety Information” for Xarelto …
Unexpected bleeding or bleeding that lasts a long time, such as:Nosebleeds that happen often, Unusual bleeding from gums, Menstrual bleeding that is heavier than normal, or vaginal bleeding. Bleeding that is severe or you cannot control. Red, pink, or brown urine. Bright red or black stools (looks like tar). Cough up blood or blood clots. Vomit blood or your vomit looks like “coffee grounds”. Headaches, feeling dizzy or weak. Pain, swelling, or new drainage at wound sites.
BROWN URINE and VOMIT THAT LOOKS LIKE COFFEE GROUNDS!? This one has some unique side effects! Vomit like coffee grounds!? What the fuck!? This one is treating some serious stuff like nonvalvular atrial fibrillation and deep vein thrombosis … so you may not care if you shit tar!
I’m no doctor but I can only imagine what a headache these commercials have caused for their profession. First they have to deal with everybody becoming pseudo-doctors with the amount of information on Google …
… and now we’re going to start telling them what pills we think we should take based upon a commercial!
I’m fortunate enough not to need any of the above mentioned pills but if you do … I’m glad they are available for you. I’m NOT trying to get them banned … I don’t believe in that. I’m just trying to get some truth in advertising from these drug companies. Don’t make a commercial with people having a great time running in the park or dancing or having coffee with friends … or hiking to a mountain top with their kid.
Let’s make this shit real. Show some real life pictures of the ailment the medicine treats and then say “… this pill will help with that but these are the known side effects.” Stop making the commercials look like they are promos for a fucking vacation. It’s fucking with people’s head! Pills that have side effects like … oh, I don’t know … death … shouldn’t be advertised like they’re amazing and everyone should take them. But they don’t really care if you need it or not … because really they are just trying to sell more prescriptions.