Movie Theater Clappers

There is no reason to clap after a movie! Do you clap at home after you watched something you really liked!? I doubt it! The only time I could possibly think it would be appropriate to clap after a movie is if someone who was actually in the movie … is in the theater with you. Then, you’re letting them know that you enjoyed their performance … much like you do at a play … where there is a cast to receive your applause. There is nothing but a screen and projector receiving your applause at a movie. What the fuck are you doing? Is it a mating call for the lonely? A normal person will walk out of the theater and as they are walking back to their car talk about what they liked. Come on people!

Action Speakers

Everybody has an inner dialogue in their head. You know the conversations that you have in your head but nobody else hears … or NEEDS to hear! For example, when you do your mental checklist before going out the door: wallet, keys, cellphone, check! Okay maybe this is not the best example because I know many people say that checklist out loud because it helps them remember … but you are also usually alone. Do you know when you don’t need to say everything out loud? When you’re at the grocery store. I was behind a woman last night that said out loud everything she saw and was doing. Upon being rung up she started talking incessantly. “Oh! Did I get that one? I didn’t want that one. Just ring it up and I’ll go get the other one. I have my Uber outside and I don’t want to make them wait. I’ll just get the Salisbury Steak. Oh, how much did that ring up as? Did I get the discounted price?” Holy shit, I don’t think she even came up for air! Then she went to pay and started reading the instructions on the card reader screen. This is verbatim what came out of her mouth – “Insert card. Okay, I’m inserting my card … Cash back? No, I don’t want cash back … Total. Yes, that’s the total … Processing. Okay, processing.” And before you start trying to make excuses for her like “…maybe she had mental problems? Did you think of that?” She didn’t have any fucking disabilities. She is just one of those annoying people who loves to hear her own voice and thinks everybody else wants to also. News flash! I don’t. This interaction at the grocery store is something that almost everybody does and they don’t feel the need to give the play by play! Last time you went to the grocery store, did the person in front of you act like this? I’m guessing not or you would have definitely remembered. They probably ran their card, waited patiently and then had a pleasant exchange of Thank You with the clerk. They didn’t announce every action they were doing. Do you know why they call it an “inner dialogue?” Because it’s in your head … for only YOU to hear. When you start speaking it out loud, people start thinking your crazy … and it’s fucking annoying!

Hotel Bathroom Fans

I have noticed at the last 5 hotels that I’ve stayed at there is no fan in the bathroom. When did this become a thing!? And who the hell thought this was a good idea? I guess if you’re traveling alone it may be fine but if you are traveling with someone else … it’s NOT okay! Inevitably at some point during your stay, you are going to need the restroom … shall we say … for what it was invented for. After using it, the polite thing to do would be to turn the fan on to make the room usable for the next person … NOT now! So, you either keep the door closed with no air circulation happening at all or you open the door to allow the air to circulate … into the room! Either way is shitty (pun intended)! And these are high end hotels that have been built recently! With all the technology we have, a fan is just too difficult to incorporate into the plans!? If you decide to build a million dollar hotel and somehow forget to put fans in the bathrooms … then the least you could do is supply a little air freshener in the bathroom. No, instead they keep leaving a bunch of useless shit like apricot chia seed hand lotion. Also, the fan was always used as a sound buffer. Can’t do that anymore! Nope! Now, everything is there for the hearing. And to make things even worse, the last few hotels I’ve stayed at have sliding barn door type doors. Sure, they look chic and hip but they are purely a visual separator that don’t keep the bathroom … in the bathroom. What the fuck is going on!? I know we live in an oversharing world … but some things are okay to keep to yourself … like what you do in the restroom.

RedBox Readers

Ever since my beloved MovieTown rental store closed down, I had to find a new place to rent DVD’s. I could stream … but sometimes I just want a DVD that I can pop in the player and not have to worry about buffering issues. So, since movie rental places have gone by the wayside, RedBox was the next best thing … or so I thought. I had seen the kiosks in the grocery store but never paid much attention to them. Once I started using them, I realized there is a new type of person I despise. The person who stands at the kiosk and reads the description of every fucking movie in the machine. Seriously!? If you’re scanning the titles to see what movies are there, I can understand that … but if you are reading the synopsis of the movies, you’re an asshole. Especially if there are people behind you! Step off to the side and go on the internet on your phone if you want to read what every movie is about. They have a website you know! You’re holding up the people who know what movie they want. Honestly, the whole process should take you no longer than 2 minutes. Also, have your fucking credit card out and ready! Don’t dig through your purse looking for it. And so help me God, the asshole parent that let’s their little Timmy press all the buttons so HE can rent the movie. “Oh no, sweetie. Wrong button. Start over.” Maybe you didn’t know I was behind you? Highly unlikely, since I’ve been aggressively sighing for the last 5 minutes and started mumbling (loud enough for you to hear me) “Are you fucking serious, right now!? Pick a fucking movie already!” It blows me away how oblivious and self-important people have become.

Inconsiderate Homeless People

Now before you start freaking out and judging me with your socially brainwashed response about how we can’t say anything negative about the homeless … just hear me out. Yeah, it sucks if you are homeless. My heart goes out to you and I wish you the best of luck finding employment and putting a roof over your head. No one should have to live like that … BUT … just because you don’t have a street address to go home to every night, does not automatically give you a license to be an inconsiderate asshole. You can still be courteous to everybody around you and let people go about their business. Numerous times I have been in the left turn lane and a homeless person is camping out on the median, sprawled out into the left turn lane … their belongings stacked against the curb … IN the lane. When I pull up, I have to pull over slightly in the other lane, so as not to run over their arms or legs. What the hell are they doing there anyway and why aren’t the police moving them! That’s a great place to set up shop … a 2 foot wide piece of concrete between opposing directions of cars going 40-50 mph! I’m having a hard enough time trying to avoid all the assholes swerving into my lane because they are watching a fucking YouTube video WHILE they are driving … now, I have to try not to run over homeless people in a fucking car lane!? I try to be courteous to homeless people and give them money when they ask but how come they don’t have to show me respect and stay out of my way!? Obviously, I can’t expect this from the bat-shit crazy guy yelling at the sky, shadow boxing … but not all of them are bat-shit crazy. I know, I know. I’m so insensitive. But if someone who owned a house did the same thing, you wouldn’t feel sorry for them … you would just think they were an asshole. Just because this person doesn’t have a house in a suburb, doesn’t excuse them from treating other people with respect. Homeless people are getting increasingly confrontational and angry towards people everywhere. I’m sorry you’re in that situation but I had nothing to do with it! I’m just trying to get through my day … staying out of people’s way … is that too much to ask for from you?

Teenagers in Crosswalks

I have to make a right on a fairly busy street to get to work. There is also a high school near by. So, in the morning when I’m going to work and have to make that right turn, I usually have to wait for the kids to walk across the crosswalk before I can turn. Now this in of itself … is not really a problem. We all have someplace we need to go and we all are trying to get there. Most of the kids start walking and after they have crossed, a few cars can turn right before the light turns red and traffic starts coming in the other direction. Every once in a while, due to unfortunate timing, I cross paths with a little shithead who takes as long as he possibly can to cross the street so that he is stepping up on the curb as the light is turning red. This is not an accident on his part. This is his thing to show to everyone how cool and important he thinks he is. He looks up at me while halfway across the street and then purposely slows down so that I can’t go. Apparently, I do not have a very good poker face and he must have seen on my face that I was thinking “Hurry up you little asshole! I have to get somewhere too! If you pulled up your fucking pants and took your eyes off your phone for a second, you could probably walk a little faster!” As I’m turning, I stare him down so that hopefully he can feel how angry I am and maybe think about what he’s done. Instead, I see a smirk on his smug little face. He knows exactly what he’s doing … and I hope he struggles finding jobs and is buried in debt for the rest of his life for being such a little inconsiderate asshole.

Left turn lane blockers

You want to get into the left turn lane so you can make the next light. You see the light in the other direction changing and the left turn light is about to turn green … but you aren’t going to make it. Why? Because the asshole in front of you wouldn’t move forward so you could get by. Now, if the guy in front of you is inches away from the car in front of him … well then, really there was nothing that could be done. It is what it is. What I’m talking about is the person who has like 2 feet between them and the next car. They see you in their rearview mirror inching up on them. It’s obvious you are trying to get by … and they see you. Oh, they fucking see you! You’re scraping tires on the left curb and you’ve pushed your car millimeters away from them thinking they’ll get nervous that you’re going to hit their car and move forward … but, NO! They are not budging! The light turns green and eventually traffic starts moving. The asshole in front of you starts to move so now you can FINALLY get by. So you push your pedal through the floor, redlining your car, hoping to squeeze through the last few seconds of the light and then the light turns red and you have to lock it up. You’re pissed at what happened but at least you get to stare this asshole down and flip him off as he goes by. He passes you and has the audacity to look straight ahead and not even acknowledge how pissed off you are and what they did. This person is a dick!

Gym Etiquette

In life, there are written rules … and then there are unwritten rules. I believe one of the unwritten rules is that when you are working out at the gym and you are using a machine or the free weights, you do a rep, rest for 1-2 minutes and repeat this process until your set is done. What you do NOT do is one rep … and then pull out your phone and sit there for the next 20 minutes searching the internet or talking to someone on your phone. You’re not the only one who wants to use the weights asshole! If you want to socialize, go to a bar. I’m here to workout … and you should be also. Like a civilized person … I try to be courteous to people around me. I understand people’s time is important … as is mine. I do my workout and move on to the next machine, making the machine available for the next person. Another unwritten rule is that you can only work out on ONE machine at a time. I’m sure you’ve run into the asshole that has his keys, water bottle and jacket spread out among three machines. I walk up to a machine to use it and he mumbles “Oh, I’m using that, bro.” Really … because to me it looks like your using the machine you’re on. Not this one! It blows me away how oblivious and self-important people have become!

Speakerphone Talkers

I don’t remember exactly when this became a “thing” … but it’s annoying as fuck! If you’re not sure what I’m talking about, it’s when someone carries on their phone conversation using the SPEAKERPHONE on their cell phone in a public place … when they are ALONE! First of all, why would you want everybody in the vicinity hearing your conversation. (Oh, that’s right … everybody thinks they are sooooo fucking important). Second of all, it’s obnoxious! I don’t need to hear you drone on to your girlfriend about how nobody at work appreciates what you do and Becky got the promotion and she doesn’t even do anything all day! Shut the fuck up! As far as I know, a phone can still be held up to the ear and you can hear the person through the earpiece … and then I don’t have to be bored with all the mundane facts of your miserable, pointless existence. And it cracks me up how these people will hold the phone right in front of their mouth so that the person can hear them talk and then when the other person starts talking they move the phone up to their ear so they can hear. If you just hold the phone the way it’s SUPPOSED to be held, you don’t have to keep moving it back and forth. It will actually allow you to speak and hear while keeping it in one position!! The speakerphone was made so that when there are multiple people in the room everybody can hear the conversation … that you have in a PRIVATE place … like your house … not walking up and down the aisles in the grocery store!

Rain Water

Except for this current year, living in Southern California we are always scolded about using too much water and we must conserve, conserve, conserve. Ok, I get it we live in a desert and don’t get much rain … so water is valuable. Why is it then, that when we DO have our periods of rain that it all just washes away!? I drive over the Santa Ana River bed daily and it’s overflowing with water going where? The ocean! Why in the hell are we not collecting all that water into holding tanks to use when … I don’t know … we are in a drought! Then to top it off, a day after the rain, all the reporters are down at the beach talking about how much debris has washed up on the beaches and it’s so sad that our beaches look like this. What the fuck did you expect when all roads lead out to the ocean!? Government officials are weighing the benefits or harms of desalinization. Hey guys, why don’t you focus on catching all the fucking water falling right out of the sky!