Banana Peels in the Office Trash Can

I’m not one for superfluous laws but I’m willing to forgo my position on this for what I believe is an important law that needs to be added to the books. I know … I agree there are already way too many laws … and many of them are ridiculous … but I feel this law is needed to curtail a heinous crime that is being committed with very little concern for the well being of others.

My proposed law would be:

If you throw away a banana peel inside an office trash can … you should be eligible for the death penalty.

Okay … I know you’re thinking that may be harsh … but hear me out.

Have you ever come into the office to find that someone has thrown away a banana peel in a trash can by your desk? If so, then you know you will be spending the rest of the day swatting those annoying fruit flies away from your face … ALL … DAY … LONG. (If this has ever happened to you … then I’m confident you are behind me on this one.)

They fly around your mouth, looking for the opportunity to dive bomb you hoping to be inhaled down your throat as you’re breathing. They land on your lips or inside your mouth which causes the instant spit reflex at the idea that you may have just swallowed an insect. You aggressively hack up a lung trying to make sure if it has made its way down your throat you’re able to hack the little fucker up. You feel like you’ve been violated and all you can picture is this thing starting a colony in your stomach. You know logically that your stomach acid will kill it … but we’re not talking about logic here … are we? No. We are talking about unwillingly swallowing a suicidal insect that you had no intention of consuming. Eating insects may be a delicacy in certain parts of the world … but not where I’m from.

If these little annoying pests can’t make it inside your mouth, they’ll buzz around your nose relentlessly trying to find their way inside. If you’ve ever felt an insect fly up your nose, you know you will spend the next 20 minutes holding one nostril closed while violently nose exhaling out the violated side … spreading booger remnants everywhere in an attempt to remove this insect. It’s not a pretty sight but neither is the thought of this thing flying up to your brain and laying eggs. Yeah … irrational, I know … but so is the idea of this insect wanting to get inside you. No matter how hard you exhale, it still feels like it’s wedged up in your nose and you certainly don’t want to start digging around because you know you will only push it straight up to your brain!

If you’re vigilant and are able to keep them out of your mouth and nose … they’ll try and land on your eyeballs. Granted, they can’t get inside your body from your eyeballs but I don’t want these little assholes landing on my eye. You know they just came from a big pile of shit and and I don’t think they stopped along the way to clean their feet.

These things are relentless. You can swat at them with all your might and it never stops them from coming back. The only thing that stops them is actually killing them … and that is next to impossible. And for the “every one of God’s creatures is special” people … Fuck Off!

It obviously wasn’t smart enough to figure out it was pissing me off when I swatted at it … numerous times. If it can’t figure out to leave me alone … then it’s survival of the fittest.

When you swat at these little pests, they are so small that the wind your hand creates moves them before you can ever make contact. It doesn’t take long before you figure out swatting won’t work and start thinking that you’ll crush them between your hands. This fails most of the time also for the same reason previously mentioned. Soon you move to double-clapping in front of your face hoping you can catch them with a quick second clap.

This very rarely works and you start looking like a crazy crack addict clapping in front of your face talking to yourself saying things like “Are you serious!? Get the fuck away from me!” You’re not thinking about how ridiculous you look … you’re only focused on killing this little asshole that’s buzzing your face and won’t leave you alone.

It doesn’t matter if you take the trash can outside. They are already there and they’re not going anywhere. They don’t follow the trash can unfortunately. Their only mission in life now is to find their way into one of your orifices.

These bugs never seem to gravitate towards the asshole that threw out the banana peel. If that were the case then it would simply be a case of karma playing out and you could laugh at him swatting near his face all day long. You would internally verbalize to yourself … “that’s what you get for being so stupid. I guess you won’t do that again!” … but that never happens. The flies never bother the guilty party … they want you!

Usually the guilty party never throws out the peel by their own desk. They’re not stupid! You could be naive and think it was just an innocent mistake but don’t be fooled. Everybody knows that banana peels bring fruit flys. EVERYBODY knows this! The person that commits this crime is a monster.

This is why I think the death penalty should be on the table for this easily avoidable and unforgivable crime. That’s the only way people will take this seriously. If you disagree, feel free to let me know your thoughts at … but I’m letting you know now … that convincing me otherwise will be no easy task. Let’s make this happen!


So … I go to the optometrist to get my annual eye exam. I have insurance … but somehow still have to pay out the nose for an exam. I believe it’s because I have the nerve to want to wear contact lenses rather than glasses. The contact lens exam is extra and not covered completely by my insurance. Why is that? I couldn’t tell you! (They must make more profit on glasses than the contacts is my guess.)

It’s not like I want glasses AND contacts. If that were the case … then I could see charging extra because they have to do two tests. But if all I am wanting are contacts … shouldn’t the test just be covered with the insurance that I pay? Seems like a fair question … but I digress.

So I pay for the exam and order 6 months of contacts. Normally, I would pony up and just buy a year’s supply … but with the pandemic going on and never knowing if your job is secure and money being tight … I figured I’d play it safe and only order 6 months this time. I figured in 6 months we’ll be past this silly pandemic and I won’t have to be so tight with the purse strings. How foolish of me!

Well … 6 months have passed, I’ve gone through my supply of contacts and last I checked … we’re still knee deep in this stupid pandemic shit (fucking Covid!). In case you are lucky enough to have great vision and don’t know, the exam is good for one year.

So I call up the eye doctor and ask if they have any specials going on for the contacts I ordered 6 months ago. Of course they don’t! I ask how much it would be for another 6 month supply and just about have a heart attack.

You see, I normally go at the time when they have a promotion and there are big discounts when you buy a year supply at once … plus the insurance has an allowance that knocks down the price … a little.

(To me, you don’t get much benefit from your insurance anymore … but that’s a whole different topic we’ll get into some other time).

Since I only bought 6 months … and there is no promotion going on now … and I’ve used up my “allowance” for the year … I have to pay the full price.

Being the cheap prick that I am, I ask them if I can get the brand that I used a couple years ago. They worked great and they are $20 cheaper a box. This is the conversation that followed:

“Well … you would have to come in and be seen by the doctor and get another exam.”

Why would I need to come back in and see the doctor if my prescription is good for a year?

“Well your prescription is ONLY good for the brand of contacts you purchased.”

Yes … but I’ve worn the other brand for years and didn’t have any problems so why can’t I just get those?

“Well … your prescription is only good for the other brand.”

That makes no sense. (Frustrated, I ask) How much is an exam?

“Let’s see … $50.00.”

The cost of the exam would be more than what I would be saving buying the cheaper contacts!

“Yes … that is correct.”

The exam is the exam! They don’t do a different type of exam based upon what contact lenses you purchase! The prescription I received from my exam is good for one year so why would I need to come back and have another exam before that year is up!? Why can’t I order the cheaper contacts … that I’ve worn before … if my eyesight is supposedly the same for a year?

Am I the only one that sees this as a racket!?

Give me a fucking break! So I can order another 6 month supply … without seeing the doctor … if I get the ones she pushed on me (the more expensive ones) but If I want a cheaper brand I have to come in and pay $50.00.

I’m starting to understand why people lose their shit and snap!

Proud Boys Controversy

Let me start out by saying that I don’t believe any race is superior to any other. We are all selfish assholes looking out for our own self interest … no matter what color your skin is. With that being said … what I’m about to say is probably going to piss off some people and have other people screaming …

If you can’t entertain a different point of view for a moment or are easily triggered … do me a favor and just leave now and go watch some cat videos.

If you’re still with me, here we go …

I know this goes against everything that you hear on the news and it will be hard for you to believe because it goes against the ideology you’ve blindly bought into … but it’s true. The real reason for the rise of white nationalism has nothing to do with Trump and has everything to do with the hypocrisy of the media. I’m not talking about the “Fake News” bullshit that Trump whines about like a broken record every time he hears something he doesn’t agree with … I’m talking about an agenda the media is pushing and the blatant hypocrisy that no one is allowed to address or they get shouted down as a racist. Don’t believe me? Hear me out!

White supremacist groups existed when Obama was elected president, correct!? You’d think they would have lost their shit and came out of the woodwork when a BLACK president was elected!? That is a white supremacists nightmare! But I don’t remember hearing much about white supremacists during that time? They grumbled about the election results but pretty much kept to themselves. When they complained about having a president that was black they were told by the media that our country is moving into a new era and their ideas about race were outdated and have no place in the dialogue of this country.

Then comes the Black Lives Matter movement and the media embraces it and makes it a top story every night on the evening news, endorsing it … promoting it … praising it. Repeating how much Black Lives Matter and how ALL white people are to blame for the problems black people face. They make a point to highlight and keep repeating any story where a white officer shoots a black man and label him guilty without even hearing the facts. Every news story suddenly is about race.

So …. the media lambasted white supremacists for their views about race but now support that view when it comes to black people.

What the fuck did you think was going to happen!?

Everything the media covers now is about black people and how ALL white people are racist. THAT is why you see white nationalism coming to the surface in the form of groups like the Proud Boys. People don’t like being told they are something they are not.

At first, people understood what the protests were about and didn’t have a problem with them. Any rational person could see what happened to George Floyd was wrong and the protests were a natural reaction to the injustice seen on the video … but it quickly turned into something else.

With the unwavering support of the media and weak politicians who are terrified of being …

“on the wrong side of history”

… the Black Lives Matter movement demanded they be allowed to paint their message on a public street. If they were not granted this demand they would scream that the city was racist and it’s proof of the systemic racism in our culture. Get the fuck outta here! So, with no politician having the guts to tell them “No. This is a public street.” … they painted the words BLACK LIVES MATTER in huge letters large enough to see from outer space.

How is this not racist!? Can you imagine a street with the words White Lives Matter painted on it? Holy Fucking Shit! Al Sharpton and Jessie Jackson would trip over each other trying to get there first to denounce it and scream racism! Yet … the street painted in Hollywood somehow is not racist. When shit like this happens … some white people start to get upset at the blatant hypocrisy.

Some people started to question the motives of the movement since it was supposed to be about “equality” and asked “Don’t all lives matter?” and oh my God … people lost their shit!

This isn’t about white people, this is about black people!”

(Ummm … isn’t that statement inherently racist?)

People like Billie Eilish went off the deep end with diatribes like this:

Uh … Billie … I think your “woke” ideology has blinded you from seeing the reality of what’s going on. The whole generation she is a part of has been duped. They want equality for everybody but the shit going on now with the Black Lives Matter is not about equality … it’s a race war and it’s being fueled by the media … not The President.

If you support the movement then I’m sure your eye is starting to twitch and your screaming …

“Black people just want equality and that’s what they are protesting!”

Yes, that may be what it started out as but clearly it has morphed into something completely different now. The lines and message have blurred and now you have Antifa and NFAC that are advocating for separation from whites and the Black Lives Matter movement isn’t necessarily trying to separate themselves from this bullshit:

– Click the image to watch the video –

John Jay Fitzgerald Johnson, known as Grand Master Jay, claims leadership of the group[6] and has stated that it is composed of “ex military shooters.”[7] Johnson, who was an independent candidate for U.S. president in 2016,[6] stated, “We are a Black militia. We aren’t protesters, we aren’t demonstrators. We don’t come to sing, we don’t come to chant. That’s not what we do.”[8] Furthermore, in the same interview, Johnson expressed Black Nationalist views, putting forth the view that the United States should either hand the state of Texas over to African-Americans so that they may form an independent country, or allow African-Americans to depart the United States to another country that would provide land upon which to form an independent nation.[4] – excerpt from Wikipedia

I’m sure if you support Black Lives Matter then you would say that is a fringe group and you can’t cluster them in with the legitimate protests. Well … not all white people are racists … but Black Lives Matter sure doesn’t have a problem lumping all white people together and calling them ALL racists!

White people are getting tired of being called racists and tired of the hypocrisy which is why you are seeing groups like the Proud Boys forming. Black people scream about wanting to be equal but until you get rid of BET, The NAACP Image Awards, Miss Black USA Scholarship Pageant, The National Urban League, The Congressional Black Caucus and all the other “black only” groups … nobody is buying that you want equality. You see the hypocrisy, right!?

Yahoo now has a section for stories that are exclusively black. What would happen if there was a section for white people only? Oh yeah! There was and laws were written to make it illegal … yet it’s okay for black people to do it now. It has now become accepted to promote Black Owned shops! Do you think they could have a section for White Owned shops. Fuck No!

Why is that even a category!? Should it matter if the shop owner is black … or should it just matter if you like the shit they’re selling!? Etsy recently took things a step further and removed any merchandise that was related to the Proud Boys.

Their explanation was as follows:

Selling such items violates the company’s policies prohibiting “among other things, hate against protected identities [and] attempting to incite violence against individuals or groups.”

If this is their policy then why is it okay for them to continue selling this:

… or this …

Last time I checked the Black Panthers were a militant group that stood for black pride. How is that different from white pride? Answer: It’s not!

The media is playing a dangerous game with the country and unfortunately there are too many people who let emotion get in the way of rational thinking and blindly believe the narrative the media is pushing. So if you think that The President is responsible for the rise in white nationalism, I would have to disagree. It is the media that is responsible and Trump is the scapegoat!

As usual, hate mail goes to if I’ve offended you.

Cancel Culture Bullshit

As I’ve stated many times before, if I hurt your delicate feelings, tell me what an asshole I am at: – I can’t wait to hear from you!

Now … let’s get into it!

For anybody who doesn’t know what “Cancel Culture” is … let me break it down in the simplest terms.

It’s character assassination.

If you don’t espouse the beliefs of the Social Justice Warrior (SJW) faction then you become a target. Once targeted, a smear campaign begins to label you as a racist, misogynist, fascist … or whatever label has traction at the moment. They “hashtag” with like-minded dumb shits until it becomes viral, thus giving the false appearance of legitimacy to the bullshit they’re spewing … all because it’s trending on some search engine. Then the news media reports it as a legitimate story because they are all whores for sensationalism and ratings. Once the news channels pick up the story it is broadcast to a broader audience and becomes headline news. (News stations report on what’s trending now … not what’s newsworthy.)

All this happens in such a short amount of time with the technology we have that the person is tried in the media before they even have time to defend themselves. And let’s face it … these days you are guilty until you can unequivocally prove you are innocent! Even then, your reputation is already ruined whether the statements were true or not … and that’s what it’s all about. People have such short attention spans now and news cycles are so quick, that the damage is done and no one is paying attention anymore once the person debunks the allegations.

These people will bring up shit from decades ago and crucify a person for something they did that doesn’t fit in with their ideology. It’s all about control and pushing a narrative. People make mistakes. I don’t know about you … but I’ve made a few in my lifetime. I’ve learned and moved on. I don’t need some anonymous faction hiding behind a computer dredging up my past mistakes to use against me … but that’s exactly what is happening to people.

Somewhere along the line, there is a group of people online who have amassed entirely too much sway and decide what is now acceptable and what’s not. To be completely honest … I don’t even know who the fuck they are! Do you!?

Suddenly … a story will appear about something someone did or said. It could be recently or decades ago … it really doesn’t matter. If it’s in contrast to the vision of the SJW New World Order … then the person is called out and put on notice. At that point, the person can bow down in submission and fall on their sword apologizing … or they can try to defend themselves. A few have tried to say they are innocent and then a day later they are on the news falling all over themselves apologizing for something they said they didn’t do … just a day ago.

What is happening behind the scenes that I’m not seeing!?

This group believes they are righteous and use the premise of helping the disenfranchised but really what they are practicing is a form of authoritarianism. In the simplest of terms … bullying. They get to decide what is deemed acceptable and if you have the gall to go against them, then they take to social media and start a smear campaign against you. If you resist … they call on their brainwashed minions to “cancel” you and the media is lock and step with this narrative.

What the fuck happened to being able to have a different opinion!?

In today’s world, if you have a different opinion … you are the ENEMY! Not someone who has a different opinion … but the enemy. Civil discussions of ideas or differing viewpoints are a thing of the past. People don’t want to hear opinions that are not like their own. As a society, we have regressed and don’t want to think … and certainly don’t want to think critically. It’s much easier to simply buy into an ideology and just repeat the established talking points rather than think for ourselves and debate the merits of someone’s view point.

It has become the “You are either with me … or against me!” mindset. Society has become so polarized that there is no room for different beliefs to co-exist. Rather than embracing difference, it’s much easier to get rid of beliefs that don’t align with your own. It’s eerily being steered towards George Orwell’s novel 1984 where people don’t question things and think what they are told to think.

All the SJW mouth pieces scream about diversity and say that’s what they are fighting for … but I don’t think they even know what the fuck it really means!

If they believed in diversity then they would believe it’s okay for someone to have a different opinion … even as stupid as they think the opinion may be. Diversity is made up of the good, the bad and the ugly. It’s okay to have a different opinion and agree to disagree with the person but to discredit their opinion because it’s not like yours is ignorant and small minded. Trust me, I believe some of the opinions that are being floated lately are absolutely ridiculous but people are allowed to have their own opinions … even if they’re stupid and I don’t agree with them.

I fear the SJW ideology is gaining traction because the majority of people are so worried about being called a racist that they lack the courage of their convictions to stand by their position. Honestly, who cares if someone calls you a racist!? If someone calls you a racist then you should feel pride in the fact that you argued your point of view so well that they resorted to name calling to distract you from the fact they couldn’t argue their point effectively! If you know you are not a racist then their words should hold no meaning.

When someone resorts to name calling when they have a different opinion … it is disingenuous at best. They are the actions of a person who couldn’t successfully argue anymore so they resort to name calling in a last ditch effort to silence you.

These loudmouthed fuckers will scream at you and tell you that you are a racist or a bigot when you won’t just concede to their point of view. The irony is that they themselves are bigots by that very action!

(Maybe they should learn the definition of a word before they start using it. I’m just saying!)

This attempt at social engineering is getting old and needs to end. People can be racist rednecks … if they want. They won’t be liked by all but if they want to be small thinkers then they are entitled to do so. The society as a whole will leave them behind to their own little part of the world when the majority of people don’t agree with that mindset anymore … but you can’t force people to change. The only thing you can do … or should do … is point out flaws in their beliefs and if they are open to change then they will change … but if they are not, that should be okay. You shouldn’t yell them into submission and try to ruin their lives because they don’t believe the same thing you do. As long as they are not harming another person or depriving them of their pursuit of happiness … then live and let live. You can’t be the thought police.

Screaming at me and calling me names is not going to make me buy into your bullshit agenda.

Can we give it a fucking rest already!?

Protesting Is NOT A Job

Am I the only one tired of seeing protests!?

I realize that it’s our right under The Constitution to peacefully assemble to show our displeasure with something that is happening and I certainly wouldn’t want to take that right away from anyone but for fuck’s sake … give it a rest! You don’t have to protest EVERYTHING!

Every fucking day there is some group out there protesting this, protesting that … and it gets to the point where I don’t even care if there is legitimacy to their complaint … I’m just tired of seeing protests! If you are a protester reading this screaming:

“It is my right as an American to protest the injustice I see going on in my country!”

Yes, you are ABSOLUTELY right. It is your right to protest the injustice you see. I would never take that away from you.

But as an American, it is ALSO my right … to not give a flying fuck about whatever you’re screaming about!

There are some people that just feel they aren’t alive unless they’re protesting. They look for something to be pissed about just so that they can go to the streets with “like-minded” people and show that “they are not gonna stand for this any longer!” They thrive on the idea that they now belong to something … they are part of a group! Get a life!

There is a large segment of the population who believe protesting is an actual job! I mean … why wouldn’t they!? The government is sending them a check so they don’t have to go to a 9am-5pm job … so with their freed up time they feel the need to take to the streets and tow the party line.

Why don’t you take the time that you are out protesting stupid shit … and go to a fucking job fair and get a REAL job! I’ve never seen a job fair for protesting … have you!? That must mean it’s not a REAL job.

Even if I wanted to, I don’t have time to protest because I’m too busy trying to make ends meet and pay bills. I suppose I could go on the weekend … but in all honesty … I can’t think of a fucking thing that makes me want to get up and march in the streets. Maybe, I’m just lazy. That’s not to say that I haven’t been pissed off at things that happen but I don’t feel that protesting is the streets is worthy of my time. I guess I’m just different. Old fashioned … or maybe just old.

I will begrudgingly admit that protests do have an impact sometimes … (especially in an election year) … because the politicians are whores and fall all over themselves trying to appease the protesters and whatever bullshit they are screaming about. Why? Because they all want to get re-elected. They slobber all over the latest cause so they “can be on the right side of history” but really it’s just to make sure they’re not the target of the next protest.

A prime example of this is all the politicians support of the BLM protests. Really!? I could have sworn that a day ago you were on the television imploring me to stay inside and NOT gather in large groups because that WILL spread the virus. Then all of a sudden these assholes take to the streets, gathering in large groups and you get on the television talking about how you support people’s right to protest. What!? If that’s not talking out of both sides of your mouth and catering to a political agenda … I don’t know what is! The truth of the matter is that they really didn’t support protesting due to the pandemic but because it was about BLM … they just shut their mouth because they are cowards and didn’t want to tread into those waters.

For the record … all you assholes who participated in the BLM protests ARE directly responsible for the second surge of the coronavirus outbreak!

None of the politicians have the balls to tell you that … so I just figured I would. Hate mail goes to:

I digress. I got slightly off topic there. I don’t mean for this rant to turn into a BLM attack piece. I’ll save that for another post.

I understand the idea behind protesting and believe it does have a time and place. But currently there are so many people protesting …. every … fucking … thing … under the sun that I’m just tone deaf to it all. If I see you in a group of people holding a sign … I’m automatically turned off. I don’t want to hear anything you have to say!

I wish you’d put as much effort into a job as you do protesting. You might not be “disenfranchised” if you worked that hard at a real job. You might actually climb the ladder of success and not have to protest how unfair life is.

United States Congress 2020

Excuse me … did I hear you correctly?

Did you say you are taking a vacation without passing the next COVID-19 stimulus bill?

Vacation cancelled motherfuckers! Get your asses back in that room and work this shit out! In case you’ve forgot, you work for me … and I didn’t approve your vacation request!

Uh … in case you’re not aware … there’s a whole country that’s hurting right now, desperate to pay their bills. They are hanging by a thread and waiting for that stimulus check and you guys can’t come to an agreement … so you just go on vacation!?


And don’t give me that bullshit about how the “other side” is just being ridiculous and won’t compromise. You are ALL TO BLAME as far as I’m concerned … Democrats AND Republicans. If you both can agree on the fact that the country needs another round of checks to help people get by … then work out the amount! It’s one thing if one side wants checks sent out and one side doesn’t. Then you’re ideologically opposed and will likely come to an impasse … but you are BOTH in agreement that Americans need money. Their money, not yours! So … work … it … out!

You’re not scoring any points with either side of the populace playing your games! People aren’t in the mood for partisan politics right now! People don’t give a shit about your ideology when they can’t pay their bills.

If you end up spending too much (Republicans) … then just tell the people complaining that:

“It was a lot more than we wanted to spend and we weren’t happy about adding so much to our national debt … but this was a unique situation and we needed to take care of the American people.”

Everybody knows you’re lyingbut we’re all used to it! At least you would have passed a bill that helps Americans and done your job. Everyone already knows you don’t have a problem adding to the national debt … you just don’t like doing it by giving money to the people. You’d much rather give it to your business interests to make sure they stay in business for your next election cycle. Campaign donations don’t appear out of thin air, right!?

And if you don’t get as much as you wanted (Democrats) … then just tell the people complaining that:

“We wanted to give you more but we didn’t have unlimited funds so we gave as much as we could within our means to get the money to the people.”

Everybody knows you’re lyingbut we’re all used to it! At least you would have passed a bill that helps Americans and done your job. Everybody already knows you could give a shit about spending within your means. If it was up to you everybody would just get any amount they want to stay home indefinitely … just so long as they blindly pledge their vote to your party.

Maybe I’m the only one who’s irritated at the fact that all these assholes are completely out of touch with what’s going on.

None of them are worrying about their mortgage payment! They’re getting paid … even if they DON’T do their job! They’re not worried about the crippling cost of health insurance. They’re not worried about putting food on the table! The only thing they are worried about is staying in power and playing politics by vilifying the other side.

The problem apparently is not so much the amount they want to give Americans in the form of a check but all the stupid extra shit they are trying to put in the bill. Here’s a real simple fix … if it’s not related to helping Americans pay their bills … it doesn’t belong in the bill! Save your pet projects for next year’s budget when we’re all back to work and aren’t paying attention to all the stupid shit you spend our money on.

I understand the problem with the additional $600 for unemployment from the federal government. You have people making more on unemployment than they were when they were working.

It IS bullshit and there really is no incentive to go back to work. I get it and I don’t like it either! But if you are going to hold up the entire thing over that sticking point … you are hurting more people than the ones that are getting over on the system. In any other time, I would be livid at someone taking advantage like that … but in the current state of our country, I’d be willing to begrudgingly look past it so that the majority of people who are struggling can get some help. Hopefully karma is real and will even the score.

I realize that the government did not create this problem but the government IS preventing many people from working … so I feel they have an obligation to help people. Before you start screaming at the monitor about how we all need to stay at home to “Stop The Spread” … most people don’t have 6 months of savings to sit back on and ride this shit out … so they depend on being able to work to make a living.

And the fact that Congress went on recess just shows that they don’t give a shit about us! They ALL sit there saying they are trying to help the American people and “the other side” is playing politics.

Well, … you BOTH went home!

No one stayed. I would have had a little more respect for the side that skipped their vacation schedule and said they were staying until it gets worked out. Yeah … it would still be playing politics because they’d be screaming how the “other side” left but they’re still here trying to work things out for the American People … but at least it would have given the appearance of giving a shit! Anybody else that just went home when shit needed to get done … would be looking for another job.

If you see any of these assholes back home in their districts … do me a favor and make sure you tell them to get their asses back to Washington and do their fucking job!

Questions to Dear Abby

My guilty pleasure is reading Dear Abby.

Everyday I anxiously open the newspaper in anticipation of what dilemma someone couldn’t figure out on their own … so they had to get advice on how to handle it.

And to answer your question

  • Yes! I still get the newspaper.
  • Yes! I’m aware you can get the news on the internet.
  • No! I’m not 90 years old.

For anybody that’s been living under a rock … or is under the age of 30 … Dear Abby is an advice column that has been around since 1956. It was created by Pauline Philips under the pen name of Abigail Van Buren. Pauline wrote the column by herself until 1987 at which point her daughter Jeanne started to help. They co-wrote the column until 2002 when Jeanne officially took over due to Pauline unfortunately being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. The column is well-known for sound, compassionate advice, delivered with the straightforward style of a good friend using humor, sarcasm and one-liners, in their responses.

I could “fanboy” all day over Dear Abby but you’re not here for that. If you’re reading this you are wondering …

So, where’s the pet peeve?

Well, I assure you it has nothing to do with Abby … No! No! No! … she’s perfect … it has to do with the people that write to her. What trailer park in Alabama are these letters coming from? Some of these people are fucking morons! I’ve written before about how there is no such thing as common sense but these people just keep reinforcing that statement. Sometimes, I honestly ask myself if some of these letters are just made up because nobody could be that stupid! Right? … Right?

This was the letter the other day:

DEAR ABBY: Three months ago, my husband ran into a second cousin he hadn’t seen in 40 years. They were close for a short time during high school and saw each other a couple times after that. I was not aware until recently that he had looked her up on social media and has been communicating with her every day since then. I didn’t think much of it when he did tell me — until one night when he stayed on the computer with her until 3 a.m. He has lied to me about the number of times he has been online with her and, if she calls or texts, he tells me it is someone else. She sent him pictures — which I saw — yet he denied receiving them. One time he forgot to sign off on a message he sent and, of course, I read it. To my shock, he was confiding a lot of things he has done while married to me that I was unaware of. It hurt me deeply, and I told him so. Recently I was in the hospital. When I called him a couple of times at night, he claimed he didn’t pick up because he was “tired.” I found out later he was on the computer with her. I have asked him more than once why this relationship is so private, and he says they are just friends. But when I asked to see some of the things he has written to her, he refused to show me. I said fine, then I will ask her. Well, he blew up! When I told him it hurts me that he spends so much time with her in the evening, he didn’t give an answer. Am I overreacting? If so, can you please tell me how to settle down and deal with what is happening? — COUSIN TROUBLE IN THE MIDWEST

He’s fucking her, you dumb shit! You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure that out! Am I the only one screaming half way through reading the letter!? How can you not figure that out? You were in the hospital and he didn’t pick up the phone because he was tired. Yeah … tired from fucking his second cousin … in your bed! If my spouse told me they were tired as the reason they didn’t take a call from me while I was in the hospital, … the next call I would make would be to Alan Dershowitz. Is this woman really that dense? Are there really people out there like this?

Of course her husband is no genius either! He could’ve said he was sleeping and didn’t hear the phone … or … I had the phone on silent … or … sorry, my phone died … but nope! He just said he was tired. I mean uncontrollable diarrhea would have been a better excuse than the one he gave … but it sounds like she’s extremely gullible and he’s a piece of shit that’s become accustomed to just walking all over her. Trailer park in Alabama is sounding pretty plausible, isn’t it?

I’m in utter disbelief when Abby gets letters like this. You really couldn’t figure that out on your own!? You had to write to Abby for her opinion? Get the fuck outta here! I guarantee all her friends were screaming at her that he’s cheating but she just didn’t want to believe them!

“My friends don’t know what they’re talking about. I’ll write Abby and get her opinion!”

Well, then why do you keep reading it?

Well … because not all of the letters sent to Dear Abby are of … shall we say … that caliber. Some letters are from people who are in legitimate ethical dilemmas that either option seems reasonable but someone’s feelings are going to get hurt. For example:

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are expecting our second child. We are facing a moral decision based on choosing his name. My wife’s cousin sadly had a late-term miscarriage two years ago. The name they were going to give their baby is coincidentally the same first and middle name that we have chosen for our child. We have wanted this combination of first and middle names for years, well before her cousin had her misfortune. In our case, the middle name is in honor of my wife’s father. The first name is just one we have always liked and, frankly, we cannot think of any other names we like more. Is it immoral or even unkind to name our child the same as her cousin’s child? Should we consider a different name to avoid causing them pain? — RESPECTFUL IN HAWAII

Letters like this are what keep me coming back for more and why I’m a huge fan of Dear Abby. I love the “… what would you do?” scenario of the situation. Both options could be argued successfully … so there is no real correct answer. Abby always seems to be able to shed some light on these dilemmas and give people sound advice.

Just like me!

Abby’s a people person … I’m a people person. (Well … sort of.)

Abby offers her opinions to help people. I offer my opinions to help people. (Well …kind of.)

Abby uses finesse and tact. I use … ummm … disdain and contempt.

OKAY! Maybe we’re not that much alike! Regardless … I think Abby does a great job replying calmly to people like Cousin Trouble In The Midwest. It’s amazing to me that there are people out there like that and worst of all … they are probably having kids! But … the world is made up of all kinds of people and I’m glad Abby’s there to help the retarded … Fuck! I forgot I can’t use that word anymore … uhhhh … decision challenged people who just need some good, solid advice.

Keep up the good work Abby and if you want some time off … I’m available to fill in temporarily. I’m just saying! Think about it.

Did you think I’d leave you hanging?

If you were wondering what Abby’s response was, here you go:

DEAR COUSIN TROUBLE: You are not overreacting. It’s time to do what you said you were going to do — call the woman and ask her what has been going on. After she fills you in, ask yourself if you still want to be married to a man who has cheated on you emotionally and probably physically. If you feel there is any hope of saving your marriage, offer your husband the option of seeing a marriage and family therapist together. However, knowing he has no compunction about lying to you or any respect for your feelings, you might prefer to simply consult a lawyer about what your next steps should be.

And …

DEAR RESPECTFUL: Please try harder to find a different first name for your baby. Although it would not be immoral to give your little one the same name(s) as this cousin’s stillborn baby, if this woman interacts with you at all, it will cause her pain. Even though no one “owns” a name, to use these two would be extremely insensitive.

Dear Abby is a class act! Check her out!

Speaking A Different Language Around You

When someone speaks another language in front of you at work … and they know you don’t speak that language … they are an asshole. Plain and simple. If you’re a social justice warrior crusading for the rights of the disenfranchised, I’m sure you’re running to your email right now to blast me and say …

“Hey Asshole! Maybe they don’t feel comfortable speaking English and don’t want to be embarrassed by mispronouncing a word?”

Save your energy and MY time. That’s a bullshit excuse! I won’t even tread into the waters of “You are in America … so speak English” because that will just piss off all the snowflakes. I don’t need them blowing up my email with everything else going on in the world right now (although I do love getting them worked up!). Inside the sanctity of someone’s home, I’m all for someone speaking their native tongue and keeping their culture alive … but outside the home, let’s all speak the same language.

Yeah! Yeah! I know … I’m racist … or whatever current bullshit label you want to call me (so you can feel “woke” and superior) … but if someone is speaking a different language in front of you … you’re going to think that person is talking shit about you! I don’t care how confident a person you are … it’s impossible NOT to think that. Especially when you know they can speak English and choose not to when you’re there! It’s fucking rude and shows they have no respect for you!

Before you get your panties in a wad, I’m not some redneck with a mullet who married my cousin demanding that everybody speak English all the time ’cause this is ‘Merica. That’s not me and that’s not what it’s about. It’s about common decency and respect for one another.

If someone struggles with English because it’s not their native language, I would be a hell of a lot more understanding if they couldn’t pronounce a word … as opposed to them just not trying. At least then I would know what they’re talking about and not wonder if they’re talking shit about me.

Even has an article on their website about this topic. Susan Warner, the president (1990-2017) and general counsel of the Philadelphia consulting firm Human Resource Trouble Shooting calls this scenario a “language-hostile environment.”

I’m not much for the whole PC sterilization of the work place and coming up with diluted names for something … but I guess since she ran an HR firm she can’t come out and just say someone who does this is an asshole. She had to keep it professional … but my guess is that if you had got a few drinks in her … she’d concede.

The person doing it certainly wouldn’t like it if the tables were turned. If I’m talking to someone and that person enters the room and we instantly stop talking … what are they going to think? Exactly! We were talking shit about them! Otherwise … we would have just continued what we were saying. That’s similar to walking in on two people talking another language and they don’t start speaking English when you arrive.

But …

They were talking in their language before you got there!

Yes, you are absolutely right! But guess what? I’m there now, so the polite thing to do would be to switch to English so I can understand what’s being said. Yeah, there’s no law saying they have to but in the scenario I pointed out if someone walks in and I stop talking, they are automatically going to think I was talking shit … even if I wasn’t. So the same applies to someone speaking a different language when I walk in. They may just be having a normal conversation but switching to English when I walk in is just polite.

The Incomplete Email Reply

You sit down and take the time to carefully compose an email. You have a couple topics that you want to address and need answers to. For the sake of time, you put everything together in one email so the recipient can read it and address all your questions rather than going back and forth numerous times in some long drawn out thread.

You make sure to use the return key on your keyboard to put it in an outline format so it’s easy to read … rather than just some huge run on paragraph. Each question is on a separate line for easy viewing. You proof read it. You proof read it … again. It’s a pretty damn good email! Short. Concise. To the point. You send it off.

A short time passes and you hear *DING!*

You’ve got mail.

You open their response to find out that the only question they have answered is the last question you asked and the other 4 questions were completely ignored! What the fuck!?

If it’s family … then it’s no big deal. You just reply back …

“Hey dumb shit! Maybe you didn’t see that I asked you a couple questions in that email and you ignored all but one of them! I always knew you were stupid but you don’t have to keep proving it! Reply back again and answer ALL the fucking questions! By the way … tell your Mom I said Hello.

That works fine if it’s family … but the problem arises when it’s for work!

You feel exactly the same way but you can’t reply like that in a professional setting … even though you’d like to! So … after you finish the silent rant in your head about what a dumb shit this person is … you try to respond in a way that comes across professional and without showing any of your condescension in your tone or words.

Do you just ask one question at a time and wait for a reply before asking another … since obviously this person can’t handle more than one idea at a time?

Do you ask the other 4 questions again in the same manner … hoping this time they’ll actually see them and answer them?

Do you try to ask the questions in a different manner … because obviously communicating is not this person’s strong point?

I don’t know the correct answer because every scenario will be different based upon the topic and the personality on the other end. What I do know … is that I have to proof my response many times before hitting the send button to make sure my indignation does not permeate through in my response!

Whichever way you decide, their response will show you their true colors. If they have character, they will notice when you ask again that they missed the questions the first time and own up to their oversight and apologize for not answering all the questions. If the person has a self-inflated ego they will gloss over the fact they ignored your questions and just answer them the second time you ask. If the person is just a fucking idiot they won’t even notice they’ve completely ignored a large part of your email and then you know you’re never going to get the answers you need.

I just don’t understand how a person does this!? I mean it’s not like it was a conversation that they could have possibly forgotten! It’s a fucking email in black and white that they can read and RE-READ again to make sure they’ve answered all your questions!

I get it if you’ve written an email that rivals A la recherche du temps perdu in length … obviously some points could be missed … but if it’s not a very long email then there’s no excuse not to address everything in the email!

Show some couth for fuck’s sake! I took the time to sit down and carefully craft my message to you in a clear, concise manner so that we can communicate effectively and efficiently in an effort not to waste your time with the constant back and forth that I know gets on MY nerves.

The least you can do is take the time to fucking read it and answer all my questions rather than scan it half-ass and blow me off with an answer that shows you put as little effort into reading it as possible.

What it’s really saying is that you’re not important to them and they couldn’t care less about you … or … they’re a fucking idiot!

Poor-Timed Ambition

Maybe this is just a problem I have … but I’m betting there are a few of you out there that encounter the same thing. It’s what I call Poor-Timed Ambition. That’s when you feel like crossing something off your “to do list” … but can’t do it at the time you are motivated.

Let me give you an example:

You wake up Wednesday and for whatever reason you feel like you can take on the world! You feel motivated to clean out the garage this weekend because shit has been stacking up everywhere and it’s been bugging you for a while now.

Okay! This Saturday … I’m cleaning the garage!”

Thursday and Friday you wake up feeling pretty good. You’re still motivated to clean out the garage but you have to go to work. So … you at least start thinking about how you will tackle it on Saturday. You figure you’ll wake up, have coffee and then dig in! It’s going to feel so good to finally get that done!

Saturday rolls around and suddenly that “take on the world attitude” has subsided. You wake up a little out of sorts. You know what you’re supposed to do today because you’ve been planning it since Wednesday … but you just don’t feel like doing it today.

You make your coffee and figure the caffeine jolt will get you motivated! As you sit there drinking your coffee … you start to come up with every reason why you shouldn’t clean out the garage. Then by the time you finish your coffee … you have convinced yourself that it can wait. You just don’t feel like cleaning it out! The weekend passes and the garage looks exactly the same! You’ve justified not getting it done though … because you’ll do it next weekend! Six months pass … and that fucking garage still looks exactly the same.

Why can’t I ever get that Wednesday motivation on Saturday!?

“There’s so much I want to do … but work prevents me from accomplishing it!”

All week long I feel motivated to do stuff … but can’t because I have to work. Then when the weekend rolls around and I have time to do it … I lose all motivation. I’m beginning to realize that I’m either moody … or … I’m just lazy as fuck! When I actually have the time to accomplish something I find every excuse not to do it!

Here’s the thing though … I always feel motivated to do something during the week when I have to work! I rarely have that “ambition” on the weekend! Maybe it’s just my brain helping me out to not feel like such a loser!? It knows I’m a lazy piece of shit so it gives me that motivation during the week … knowing I can’t act on it … to make me feel like I’m a do’er and feel better about myself.

It must be a self-preservation tactic that my brain has created over time to convince me that I’m not lazy … even though I am. On occasion there are times where I’ve said “Fuck it!” … and called out at work to do something. I stay home and I actually do work on it … but I can’t do that all the time! My circadian clock needs adjusting! Why can’t I have that ambitious feeling on the weekends and keep the lazy feelings for when I’m at work!?

If you have young kids, then your weekends are probably filled taking them to ball games or something so you can justify not getting things done. (I know I did!) My kids are older now and doing their own thing … so I really don’t have any excuse anymore!

All my ambition occurs during the week and inconveniently fades by the weekend. Then mid week it comes back and I convince myself that this weekend I’ll get it done! Saturday rolls around and like clockwork … I’m not feeling it. Fuck!

Not this weekend though!! It’s Wednesday and I’m feeling motivated! Now that I’ve recognized this pattern that I have … I will persevere and overcome! Hopefully if you have the same problem, I’ve also inspired you to work on that “To Do List” this weekend! You go get ’em tiger … I’ll probably end up going to the movies.