Graffiti on a Hiking Trail

If you spray graffiti on a hiking trail you are the biggest piece of shit to ever walk the face of this earth. I despise anyone who “tags” at all … but to do it out on a hiking trail reaches a new level of depravity. If you’re reading this and you are a “tagger” please close your browser immediately … get in your car … don’t bother with the seat belt … find a bridge and drive your useless fucking ass off it. What is the purpose of tagging a hiking trail!? I know some stupid assholes in gangs “tag” to let the other losers know that this is their shitty territory. If you’re tagging on a hiking trail does that mean this is your trail and I should stay off of it!? Get the fuck out of here!

I didn’t need to know what information was on that sign.

Who the fuck is bringing spray paint with them when they decide to go hiking anyway!? I guess you just put it in your backpack along with the granola bar and Gatorade.

Thanks, that looks so much better.

Maybe you thought Mother Nature was doing a shitty job and you could do better?

Oh … that’s definitely art! I’m sure his mom is proud.

When I looked up graffiti, some websites said that it is an outlet for people’s artistic skills. Bullshit! And anybody who thinks that should get in the passenger seat of the tagger’s car mentioned above. It is vandalism … plain and simple. If you have artistic skills … use your bedroom walls as a fucking outlet! NOT on someone else’s property … or a hiking trail! If you do this shit … I hope you die … painfully … today.

No Produce in the Self Checkout Lane

The whole point of the self checkout lane is to speed up the process of checking out. (This eliminates having to stand in line behind the customer who apparently is shopping for the Duggar family and is going to be there for the next three weeks.) If you only have a few items, you walk up to the self checkout, scan the items, insert your card and you’re done. What prevents this from being an efficient process? The asshole who brings fucking fruits and vegetables to the lane. Sure, you can bring them to the line to checkout but should you … NO! To get these items checked out you have to search through pictures 17 levels deep to find your item … and then the machine has to weigh it … then the whole process starts all over again for every piece of produce you have! Go to the fucking cashier lane with that shit!

“But they have little stickers with the scan thing on them.” Yeah … but they never work! And they know that and that’s why they put the pictures of the shit! The sticker is curved around your cucumber so it distorts the lines that the machine reads. So what does the moron in front of me do? He tries to scan it with a twist of his hand thinking this will do the trick. It doesn’t. Then he continues to do the same thing 20 more times, determined that one of these times it will work! And don’t get me started on the dumbshit who tries to read the bar code through the plastic bag! Again, not working … but they’re going to keep trying because they know one of these times it’s going to scan! All the while, I’m starting to boil over on the inside watching this shit … and a long line is forming behind me.

Self checkout lines were created for items that scan and go. All other shit … go to the fucking line with the cashier! Also, don’t get in the self checkout lane with a FULL cart of groceries. All you’re going to do is make the people behind you contemplate if they could murder you and get away with it! There are unwritten rules to using the self checkout machines. If you’re not sure what they are, I’ll tell you next time you’re in front of me fucking everything up for the rest of us!

Air Hand Dryers

I’m sure there are a lot of you out there that are behind the move to air dryers for a multitude of reasons. I’m sure some of which are because they save the environment and it’s more sanitary. Although those reasons may be true, I fucking hate these things! Every time I go into a public restroom and see one of these on the wall … and no paper towels to be found … I have an internal temper tantrum and plan on being in the restroom for the next hour. These things don’t work! How many of you use these only to wipe your hands off on your pants while you walk out? Exactly! These things blow out air for what seems like an eternity and at the end of the cycle your hands are still wet! If you have the time … and the patience … then you stay through another cycle … and another cycle … and another cycle … until your hands are finally dry. I don’t have that kind of time! Paper towels work just fine. And if you’re going to tell me that paper towels are unsanitary … I call bullshit! If you have washed your hands with soap, then your hands are already clean and you are just using the towel to dry them. How is that unsanitary!? The only unsanitary part is when all the disgusting slobs leave their towels on the floor instead of properly disposing of them in the waste basket. That’s unsanitary for the poor guy that has to clean it up … but not for me using them! As far as the “it kills trees to make paper towels” group … 90% of the 74 mills that make paper towels use recycled materials. So relax tree huggers! This is another idea of fixing something that doesn’t need fixing. Not to mention, half of the time you go to use these things, they’re broken and then you have nothing to dry your hands with … well, except your pants.

Wait … I’ll make an amendment … there is one air dryer that I’ve used that is actually amazing. It is the Dyson Airblade. I’ve only seen this in a few places because most of Dyson’s products are on the pricier side. If every place had one of these, I might change my mind.

Dyson Airblade

Holding the Door Open

As I’ve stated in previous posts, politeness and common courtesy are ideas that have gone by the wayside. I was raised to hold the door open for people and in return … they would say “Thank You.” It’s a fairly simple exchange of niceties and it shows kindness toward your fellow man. Well … I’m seriously thinking about giving that shit up! Nine times out of ten when I hold the door open for people anymore … they walk right past me like I’m not even there!

Do you think the door just miraculously stayed open for you because you’re so fucking amazing!? I don’t have a Bellhop suit on … so you can tell it’s not my fucking job to hold the door open. I was trying to be courteous but apparently you think you’re too good to even acknowledge the simple act of me holding the door open for you. If I knew it was going to go that way, I would have slammed the door in your face and prayed you slammed into it! As infuriating as it is to hold the door open for some ungrateful asshole and not get any sort of acknowledgement … it’s just as annoying when the door is not held open for you. I don’t expect you to stand there and hold the door open for me if I’m 20ft away … but if I’m a couple feet behind you … hold the door open Fucko! Is it really that difficult or going to take too much of your precious time? These simple acts are part of our unwritten social code! I’m amazed at how self-involved and oblivious people are becoming. Actually … no I’m not!

Potholes on the Road

With the amount of taxes this state applies to gasoline … there should not be a single pothole on our roads! As of July 1st 2019, Californians will be taxed 65 cents PER GALLON of gasoline!

Pause for a moment and let that sink in.

On average, Californians consume roughly 14 billion gallons of gasoline annually. Taxing that amount by 65 cents per gallon yields $9.1 billion in revenue. California gets $6.5 billion of that amount … every year … to be spent on road maintenance. These streets should be covered in gold for Christ’s sake with the amount of money we’re taxed … yet EVERY road I drive on needs repair. Where is all the fucking money going!? I’ll tell you where it’s going! It’s the criminal legislature stealing the money from the gasoline tax to put into the general fund for stupid shit. Those taxes initially were intended towards maintaining the roads … nothing else. Now, it’s become common place for the government to use the money for something else and then complain they don’t have enough money to fix the roads. WHAT!? I’m at a loss how the assholes in Sacramento can do this shit and people aren’t rioting in the streets! Oh yeah, people are too busy watching cat videos to get upset about anything that matters. I have a coronary every time I pull into the gas station and see the prices. Then, I have to dodge potholes while leaving the gas station which just reminds me how bad I’m getting fucked. Every fill up should come with a packet of Astroglide! And don’t tell me to start taking public transportation so there’s not so many cars damaging the roads. Fuck off! I like my car and the freedom it provides and I don’t think I should be made to feel guilty about that! If you’re in the State Government, YOU should feel guilty for the piss poor job you’re doing with OUR funds! Take your pet projects and social engineering and shove it up your ass! Fix the roads that we ALL use every day … going to work … creating more tax money … for you assholes to waste!

The Government’s lack of action on fixing the potholes is such a joke that Domino’s Pizza started filling potholes as a marketing campaign. Hey Government! A pizza chain is doing your job! What the fuck!?

Police Pullovers

I’m a pro-cop guy. I believe they have a very difficult job and deal with a lot of crazy shit … very professionally. I believe the majority of them are very considerate and obviously have a lot more patience than I do … but there is one pet peeve they do that drives me absolutely fucking nuts! When they pull somebody over for a traffic stop right in the lane of a busy street! Why can’t you have them pull over into a parking lot or residential street so it doesn’t back up traffic!? Then to make it even worse, the cop will stop their car slightly into the next lane behind the stopped car to protect them during the stop … thus partially blocking that lane also! If you’re at the end of a pursuit and your getting out guns drawn, I get it. But for a normal traffic violation … take it off to the side! You know 95% of the population are rubberneckers who will backup traffic even more when they see the flashing lights. I’ve seen cops direct people into parking lots before, so I know it can be done! Come on guys!

Single Use Plastic Bag Ban

This law is one of the biggest scams ever. [The bullet train gets the title for the biggest scam … but this is a close runner up.] So, in California we now have to bring our own bags to the grocery store to bag our groceries or purchase a bag from the store. What bags are they selling? Plastic! I thought the whole idea behind this stupid fucking law was to cut down on the amount of plastic bags that ended up in the ocean. If they are selling plastic bags … it doesn’t seem like that’s going to help. All the law is really about is making money for the grocery chains … and I’m okay with that … if that’s how you frame it. Don’t give me some bullshit though about how it’s for the environment. Whenever some company wants to raise prices or enact something they know isn’t going to be popular, they go straight to the “heart string” phrases. You know … phrases like:

  • It’s for the children.
  • It’s to save the environment.
  • It’s to save these helpless animals (cue the Sarah McLachen music with the image of a shivering dog).

These are the phrases that enact immediate sympathy and will open the checkbook of any moron who doesn’t want to take the time to do any research. They will donate or vote however you tell them to, just so they can get back to watching their fucking cat videos and not have to think too hard.

First, it was no more paper bags. We’re killing our trees! So, we come up with an alternative: plastic bags. Now … we’re killing our oceans! Make up your fucking mind what you want! I have to have something to bring my groceries home in. The simple fact is humans create waste and passing this law is not going to change that. Now, we buy thicker plastic bags that end up in the same fucking place … but take longer to decompose. What!? You couldn’t foresee that one happening? I don’t want to re-use my bag because the bottom of it has chicken juice in it that will for sure give me salmonella, right!? Well, wash your bag then. Nobody wants to wash their re-usable bags people! In case you haven’t noticed, we have become an instant gratification society. Do you think anybody is going to take the time to wash their grocery bags? Besides, even if I did wash them, I’d fucking forget them at home and have to buy new bags anyways! And that’s what it’s all about. I know this because for a while you could ask for paper bags after this law was enacted … at no charge. So, everyone started going back to paper bags … obviously. Then, “Oh, we don’t have any paper bags. Sorry.” Then, what do you know, when they have more paper bags … they start charging for them.

I’m not sure if you’ve noticed but you can still get those single use plastic bags at places like Home Depot or a myriad of other places … at no charge. So, it wasn’t ever really about saving our oceans, otherwise they would have passed a law banning them altogether. It was just about grocery stores wanting to charge for them.