A National Day for Everything

  • Mother’s Day … sure.
  • Father’s Day … sure.
  • Memorial Day … absolutely.

But do we really need a National Day for every fucking thing in the world!? Apparently there are close to 1500 National Days. What calendar are we using!? The calendar I’m using only has 365 days. We have so many “important” things to celebrate … we have to celebrate 4 a day if we average them out! Get the fuck out of here! Who’s making this shit up!? I checked and multiple websites have different things on different days. There’s no definitive source! Apparently you pull any idea out of your ass and … Voila! … it’s a National Day! Are there that many people so desperate to relate to others?

“You know Lima Beans don’t get enough attention. Let’s make a National Day for them so we can draw attention to the plight of this poor legume! Let’s call it National Lima Bean Respect Day. Let’s do it on April 20th!”

If you don’t believe me … look it up! www.nationaldaycalendar.com

Maybe the reason the world is going to Hell in a handbasket is because people are more focused on celebrating National Answer Your Cat’s Question Day (I’m not shitting you! www.nationalday.com [January 22nd] … look for yourself). No one’s focusing on real problems. Then again … if you’re trying to talk with your cat … there is no way you’re solving any problems in this world. Shit, you ARE the problem … you fucking nut job!

Here’s a few more of them that you definitely don’t want to miss:

  • January 14 – National Dress Up Your Pet Day (apparently the crazy pet owners decided to make this every day!)
  • February 24 – National Tortilla Chip Day (Shit, why not!?)
  • March 18 – National Awkward Moments Day (that’s most days for people subscribing to this shit)
  • April 18 – National High-Five Day (Yeah … I’m not doing that)
  • May 4 – National Star Wars Day (Nerds of the world unite!)
  • June 21 – National Selfie Day (Sorry Maniscalco, there’s a LOT of lonely people in this world apparently)
  • July 5 – National Bikini Day (well … maybe I can get behind this one!)
  • August 16 – National Tell A Joke Day (I’ll help you out with this one. Why does Santa have such a big sack? Because he only comes once a year.)
A glove!? Santa … you savage!
  • September 19 – National Talk Like A Pirate Day (This is the worst one!)
  • October 11 – National Coming Out Day (this is also National Sausage Pizza Day and there’s a joke there somewhere … I’ll let you figure it out!)
  • November 5 – National Redhead Day (well … gingers don’t have much else to celebrate)
  • December 3 – National Disability Day (do your part and help a cripple)

This is just a small sample of the insanity. Go ahead, look it up and see what other days wackos are celebrating. Apparently it’s easy enough to make a National Day, so go ahead and make one up and let me know when to celebrate it! Personally … I’m waiting for October 13th. Burn ’em!