A Women’s Problem

Before you start getting all riled up and start typing your angry tweets … holster your thumbs and just hear me out! I don’t want to get assaulted by every feminist in a 5o mile radius, so … let me state loud and clear … that I don’t think women’s problems are any less important than men’s problems. They are usually (oops! Sorry, Freudian slip … I’m JUST KIDDING, relax) just as valid and deserve our full attention.

The issue I have … is talking about them! Women handle their problems much differently than men do. Giving her the support she’s seeking is a struggle for most men because when she has a problem, she just wants to talk about it … that’s all.

“He never listens. All he wants to do is solve my problem.”

Uh …. yeah! Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do when you have a problem!? When men have a problem they define the problem, brainstorm solutions, decide the best solution and then implement the solution to solve the problem. Every man reading this currently is saying “Exactly!” … and every woman reading this is sighing with disappointment.

Ladies … we’re sorry. We just don’t understand your way of dealing with problems! Women define problems in broader terms and examine a wider array of potential factors before going into solution mode … if solution mode is ever even a destination. Men, by nature, are problem solvers. It’s in our DNA. Our natural inclination is to solve a problem that we are presented. Granted, we don’t always implement the best solution … but we decide on a solution and do it. Women on the other hand just want to talk about a problem and aren’t really looking for a solution. Huh!? This makes absolutely NO sense to a man! When women have problems and they want to discuss them with a man … this can often lead to … let’s say … misunderstandings or hurt feelings.

In a man’s mind, if she is coming to me with her problem … she needs help solving it. I love this woman … so we are going to figure out a solution so she can move past it. In a woman’s mind, she is thinking that he loves me so I can talk to him about my problem and how I’m feeling.

Men … a piece of advice. The last word in the previous paragraph is what it’s really about. It’s not about the problem … it’s about her feelings.

Women … a piece of advice. Feelings are the lowest rung on the ladder of problem solving for a man. If you come to us with a problem, our natural inclination is to solve it … not talk about feelings.

I’ve been told that when a woman wants to talk to you about her problem that she is not always looking for an answer. What!? As much as I understand these words … the sentiment goes against every fiber of a man’s being. Believe me, for the sake of tranquility, I have tried to just listen and not give solutions … but it doesn’t feel natural! When men discuss problems with other men, if the other guy does not offer up a solution … it means he doesn’t give a shit. So, if I have a solution to your problem and don’t voice it … in my brain … I feel as if I’m humoring you and giving the appearance that I don’t care about your problem. This couldn’t be further from the truth. If I’m actively giving you solutions to your problem, it means I care. If I’m just listening and not giving any suggestions … it means I don’t give a shit.

It all just comes down to the differences between men and women.

As hard as I try to just listen when my wife talks to me about something that’s bothering her, I cannot stop from telling her what I think she should do. It gives me anxiety to just sit and listen without offering up solutions. Problems are meant to be solved … not discussed. This annoys the shit out of her (I know because she’s told me so!) and you would think that I would have learned by now … but it’s not a matter of learning. It’s just how men’s brains work.

Truth be told, I’ve succeeded in listening and not giving solutions a few times. My wife would argue this has never happened … but it did. I remember … because it took every ounce of my being to keep my mouth shut! Even though I had what I thought to be a perfect solution, I bit my tongue … hard! The few times I did this, I felt I came across apathetic … and not to mention anxious for sitting there with the answer and not giving it. Do you know how hard that is for a know-it-all, like myself!?

So, let’s recap. You present me with a problem that you have. I have (what I think) is a perfect solution. You don’t want to hear the solution. You just want to talk more about the problem. On what planet does this make any sense? Oh that’s right … Venus.

… one of the funniest things I’ve seen regarding the difference between men and women’s brains is by Mark Gungor. You can watch it here. It’s G rated … but it is hilarious!

The Death of Chivalry

Maybe I grew up in a different time … but I was raised to be chivalrous. For any young readers I might have, that don’t know what that term means, it dates back to Medieval timessorry … Game of Thrones times.

The Code of Chivalry was a moral system which went beyond rules of combat and introduced the concept of Chivalrous conduct – qualities idealized by the Medieval knights such as bravery, courtesy, honor and great gallantry toward women. The Codes of chivalry also incorporated the notion of courtly love.

In layman’s term it’s similar to being a gentleman: things such as being polite, calm, and considerate:

The most common perception for a gentleman is a man who ensures that he is chivalrous towards women. The term attaches itself to men who are courteous and treat women with respect.

I have to say, I am so glad I am married and not dating in the current environment. The whole women’s empowerment thing currently going on is like a minefield for a guy. If he’s just trying to be nice, it could be received as condescending or sexist.

  • I can open my own door! Do you think I’m weak?
  • Why are you paying the bill!? Do you think I can’t afford my own meal?
  • What do you mean by … I look beautiful? Am I just a piece of meat to you?
  • Why do you have to drive!? Do you think you’re a better driver than I am?

The whole idea of what it means to be a “man” and chivalrous is changing because women’s attitudes are changing … and men don’t know how to act or what’s acceptable anymore. So unfortunately, guys treat women like they treat their buddies and personally, I think it’s a shame.

I was at the gas station recently filling up and looked over to see a guy sitting in the driver’s seat looking at his phone while his female passenger was out pumping gas. Now call me old-fashioned … but that is just wrong! I’m not saying a woman is incapable of pumping gas but if you are both there … come on man! Get your bitch-ass out of the car and pump the gas. I understand that I don’t know the whole story and maybe she wants to show that she is capable of doing it herself but you’re killing chivalry.

I’ve noticed on many occasions guys letting their women do everything. Maybe she wants to … I don’t know … but to me it appears like they feel important to have someone take care of them … like their mommy used to do. To me, they just look like boys … not men! Grow up and be a man! I know many of them think:

“Look! I’ve got her whipped and she does everything for me!”

… but I’ll bet you she’s just waiting for her Prince Charming to come and rescue her … because you’re not him!

Maybe, I’m wrong! I always thought women wanted someone who will take care of them. Maybe I DO have an outdated look on genders and the way they are perceived today. Maybe today’s woman doesn’t want someone who is going to take care of her? I can’t imagine why not, though. Who wouldn’t want someone taking care of them? Isn’t most people’s fantasy to win the lottery and have servants take care of you!?

I guess today’s woman doesn’t want to feel like they can’t do something … so they do everything themselves to prove that point. Although it may be empowering for women … it’s creating an unwanted side-effect. It’s creating a bunch of men who are self-centered and act like pussies.

Women … I don’t see anything wrong with letting someone take care of you … if you take care of them! It’s called division of labor. My wife cooks for me and she doesn’t have a problem doing so because if there is a problem with the car she knows she doesn’t have to deal with it and it’s going to be my problem. That probably seems so archaic to this generation and I’ll probably be accused of perpetuating an outdated stereotype but honestly … I’m fine with that! I think deep down, most women still want a man that will take care of them but can’t say that out loud for the fear of being chastised by the new feminist.

I can’t understand why men don’t continue this tradition regardless of the current societal outlook. Although some women want to kill it, I don’t see any harm in it. Acts of chivalry don’t mean a woman is weak. It means she is respected … and I don’t know how that idea got flipped? Obviously the way it’s displayed throughout the ages has changed because no guy today is going to take off his coat and put it down over a puddle of mud … but the idea is not outdated. Being chivalrous shows that you care about her and put her feelings before your own. I don’t see how that can be a bad thing in any way.

Although the current generation may see chivalry as an outdated, sexist, power play … I’m still going to open the door for my wife, pay for dinner, tell her how beautiful she is and drive when we are together because she is amazing and deserves to be treated like a Queen. I know … I’m a neanderthal.