Costco Gas Line Etiquette

If you are one of the stupid people, like myself, who fill up their cars at the Costco Gasoline centers … you know how long the line can be.

You wait in the exceptionally long lines because usually you can save some money on gas. If you’re in a hurry … this is not the place you want to fill up. So you go with the understanding that you will sit in a line for a while until you get to the pump.

Now … let me preface this by saying I knew there was going to be a line … AND … I knew that I would be sitting there for a while … AND … I knew I should bring my patience and understanding … but even knowing that does not excuse the acts of stupidity of some people.

You were sitting in a line of cars, looking straight ahead and you didn’t notice the sign that reads: Please have your membership cards ready. You were sitting in that line for 20 minutes! Each time you looked up you couldn’t bother to read any of the signs staring you in the face? You didn’t think at any time to pull out your cards for the sake of efficiency and have them ready? Of course not! You were probably too busy looking at your fucking phone at the new cat videos all your single, lonely friends sent you! So you pull up to the pump and then have to rummage through your purse looking for your card. Meanwhile the people behind you are wondering what the fuck you’re doing and why you haven’t gotten your ass out of the car to start pumping gas.

Oh! Would you look at that! The gas door is on the other side. You didn’t know!? I know it’s not a new car by looking at the piece of shit … so I’m thinking you should know by now which side the gas door is on! Luckily the pumps have long hoses that will reach around … but you still can’t seem to make it work. So I watch you fuck around for 5 minutes trying to pull the hose over the car and get the nozzle in the hole. Every car has cycled out by now … except you!

You finally get it going and then you go back, sit down and start cleaning trash out of your car.

Seriously!? I can appreciate your multi-tasking … but I saw the handle click off minutes ago and you’re still cleaning your car out! Once you hear the click, you better get your fucking ass over to the nozzle and put it away. You don’t get to keep cleaning out your shit! There’s a line of cars waiting for you to move so they can fill up … dumb-ass!

Let me give you another piece of advice. After you finish pumping your gas:

  1. Get in your car.
  2. Start it immediately.
  3. Drive the fuck out!

Don’t sit there and

  • put the cards back in your purse
  • look through your purse for a coupon
  • adjust your seat
  • adjust your mirror
  • find the song you want to listen to before driving
  • pull up directions on your navigation system

In case you forgot, there are 7,000 cars behind you that want to get on with their lives and you’re preventing that from happening!

I realize that I went there knowing I was going to have to wait but that doesn’t mean people get to take their sweet fucking time! How about being considerate to the people behind you! Be efficient people! Pull ahead and pull into a parking space to do whatever stupid shit you need to do. Don’t do it at the gas pump! Keep the line moving!

Not Silencing Your Ringer

I’m not talking about the obvious when you’re in a movie theater. That should be a given by now. What I’m talking about is when someone is having a conversation with you and their phone starts going off and they make no movement to silence it. I’m not talking about a beep from a text or a chime from some app. No … what I’m talking about is when someone is calling them and they just let their ringtone play. Of course it’s always the most obnoxious ringtone you’ve ever heard … and it lasts for what seems like an eternity.

Now … you might be saying:

“But they don’t want to be rude and interrupt when you’re talking.”

I can understand that … in theory … but if your fucking phone is ringing at top volume while we are conversing, I’m already interrupted and can’t even think straight anymore. The words coming out of my mouth at this point are jumbled and not making any sense because they are the remnants of my last thought before it shifted to “Aren’t you going to shut that fucking thing off!?”

The flip side of that is when they are speaking and their phone starts going off. They ignore it and act like nothing is happening and talk right through it. Although they may be tone deaf to it … it’s all I hear NOW! I see lips moving but all I hear is an annoying ringtone. You would think by the look on my face (which I’m told I don’t hide very well) it would be a clue that I’m not hearing a word you’re saying anymore … but apparently not … because you’re still talking … and it’s still fucking playing!

Grab a fucking clue! Cell phones aren’t new. The etiquette surrounding them is pretty established at this point! If you’re not reaching for your phone to silence it while we’re talking … it says you couldn’t give two shits about me. If that’s the case, I instantly have no respect for you and I won’t hesitate to ask: “Are you deaf … or just an asshole?”