Costco Gas Line Etiquette

If you are one of the stupid people, like myself, who fill up their cars at the Costco Gasoline centers … you know how long the line can be.

You wait in the exceptionally long lines because usually you can save some money on gas. If you’re in a hurry … this is not the place you want to fill up. So you go with the understanding that you will sit in a line for a while until you get to the pump.

Now … let me preface this by saying I knew there was going to be a line … AND … I knew that I would be sitting there for a while … AND … I knew I should bring my patience and understanding … but even knowing that does not excuse the acts of stupidity of some people.

You were sitting in a line of cars, looking straight ahead and you didn’t notice the sign that reads: Please have your membership cards ready. You were sitting in that line for 20 minutes! Each time you looked up you couldn’t bother to read any of the signs staring you in the face? You didn’t think at any time to pull out your cards for the sake of efficiency and have them ready? Of course not! You were probably too busy looking at your fucking phone at the new cat videos all your single, lonely friends sent you! So you pull up to the pump and then have to rummage through your purse looking for your card. Meanwhile the people behind you are wondering what the fuck you’re doing and why you haven’t gotten your ass out of the car to start pumping gas.

Oh! Would you look at that! The gas door is on the other side. You didn’t know!? I know it’s not a new car by looking at the piece of shit … so I’m thinking you should know by now which side the gas door is on! Luckily the pumps have long hoses that will reach around … but you still can’t seem to make it work. So I watch you fuck around for 5 minutes trying to pull the hose over the car and get the nozzle in the hole. Every car has cycled out by now … except you!

You finally get it going and then you go back, sit down and start cleaning trash out of your car.

Seriously!? I can appreciate your multi-tasking … but I saw the handle click off minutes ago and you’re still cleaning your car out! Once you hear the click, you better get your fucking ass over to the nozzle and put it away. You don’t get to keep cleaning out your shit! There’s a line of cars waiting for you to move so they can fill up … dumb-ass!

Let me give you another piece of advice. After you finish pumping your gas:

  1. Get in your car.
  2. Start it immediately.
  3. Drive the fuck out!

Don’t sit there and

  • put the cards back in your purse
  • look through your purse for a coupon
  • adjust your seat
  • adjust your mirror
  • find the song you want to listen to before driving
  • pull up directions on your navigation system

In case you forgot, there are 7,000 cars behind you that want to get on with their lives and you’re preventing that from happening!

I realize that I went there knowing I was going to have to wait but that doesn’t mean people get to take their sweet fucking time! How about being considerate to the people behind you! Be efficient people! Pull ahead and pull into a parking space to do whatever stupid shit you need to do. Don’t do it at the gas pump! Keep the line moving!


Let me preface this by saying that I love the idea of Costco and the things that they sell. The issue I have is all the fuckin’ samples that they now have at the end of every aisle! I get the idea behind it as a business that’s promoting what they’re selling but as a customer it drives me up the wall! The masses huddle around this little make shift table so they can stuff their fat little faces with free food … and they don’t care what it is. It could be a turd on a cracker and they’ll try it! It’s not like they happen to be walking by and see a sample, grab one and keep moving. NO! These assholes will just detach from their carts like brain dead zombies and walk towards the samples … leaving their cart in the middle of the aisle completely oblivious to the fact that I’m behind them and their cart is now in my fuckin’ way. And Lord forbid if the little snack isn’t ready, they’ll just stand there for 5 minutes and wait until the little machine dings with the next batch. They start salivating like Pavlovian dogs waiting for the little old lady to start serving them up. It’s all I can do not to scream at the top of my lungs at every single one of these inconsiderate assholes. There have been many carts that I have just started ramming and pushing down the aisle. They don’t even notice half the time because they can’t break eye contact from the food on the table. They’ll cut right in front of Grandma with the walker and not give two shits! If you are one of these people, I despise you with every part of my being!