Artisan Hamburgers

The whole point of a hamburger is to be able to pick it up and eat it on the go. These hamburgers that come out 15 inches tall with a knife holding them together are an abomination! I know all the foodies are getting pissed, looking down their pretentious noses at me thinking I don’t know anything about fine cuisine. Fuck you hipster! Go take a picture of you’re $35 hamburger and post it on whatever social media you troll on. Hamburgers are not meant to be eaten with a knife and fork! If you’re eating a hamburger with a fork … it’s called meatloaf!

When did this become a thing!? Is this like a mid-life crisis for chefs? Instead of going out and buying a Corvette they just make their burgers gigantic to compensate for their small dicks? There is nobody that enjoys opening their mouth like a python to take a bite out of a hamburger. If you say that you’re okay with it … you’re just lying. I get that all those different flavors can be amazing on the palate but once it starts getting to the point that you can’t fit it in your mouth … just stop! You can make an amazing burger at normal size … case in point: In-N-Out. They’ve built a $1.3 billion business on burgers … and they’re not 15 inches tall!

Yeah, it looks delicious … but who can fit that in their mouth!?