Big Pharma Commercials

I’m a live and let live kind of guy.

I don’t believe in much government intervention … but … I’m starting to wonder if they shouldn’t step in and put some standards in place for all these drug company commercials. I know! I know! It goes against everything I believe too … but these commercials are getting out of hand and the networks are such money whores that they will sell air time to anyone except maybe a boy’s summer camp run by the Catholic Church. Who are we kidding … they’d sell them air time too!

There is a new drug commercial coming out every few weeks now telling us we might have “this” problem and to talk with your doctor!

Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s great that medicine has come so far that we have a pill for just about anything that ails you … but shouldn’t these ailments affect people’s lives to the point that they feel they should go to their doctor and have it checked rather than going because they saw a commercial for some pill. America is turning into a bunch of hypochondriacs! People see these commercials and go to their doctor and ask them if they need to be taking this pill.

Patient: So I was wondering if I should take Humira?

Doctor: What symptoms are you having?

Patient: None … but I want to catch it ahead of time.

Doctor: Catch what ahead of time?

Patient: Whatever Humira cures!

It doesn’t help that half of the commercials don’t even tell you what the pill is for and if they do … half of the time you have no idea what the fuck they’re talking about! If you did, you could just dismiss it as a pill someone else needs to take and go on with your day. But these commercials are vague and put doubt and anxiety in a lot of people’s mind. This makes them go to the doctor when they don’t need to … just to make sure they shouldn’t be taking it.

Don’t think for a second this is an accident. The pharmaceutical companies are doing this on purpose. These companies are in the money making businessnot the wellness business.

If they were … they would only advertise to doctors. They would be advertising in doctor’s magazines or at a doctor’s trade show … but they’re not. They are advertising to the public to try to sell more pills.

Take for instance Humira. I’m not singling them out as worse than any of the others … but they spent the most in commercial advertising last year … $375,000,000. That’s right … $375 million on commercials for their product! That seems like a lot of money to spend on public air time if it’s only directed towards doctors.

Americans have become anxious and high strung. They can’t deal with stress or cope with problems anymore. They don’t need to think there is some new thing wrong with them that they need to take a pill for. Why the hell do you think voters in half the states are legalizing marijuana!? They figure if they make weed legal they’ll just stay baked all day and then the problems they have won’t feel so overwhelming.

Hmmm … maybe that’s why pharmaceutical companies are pushing their products on television so hard now … because they have to deal with marijuana being legal in so many states. They’ve lost market share! They used to have the market cornered on pain control … but now everyone is just self-medicating with weed.

You wouldn’t think they would want to advertise these commercials to the public since they have to disclose any side effects of the pills. Then again, if they have the same outlook towards the populace that I do, they figure it’s no big deal. Most people have a short attention span so they figure if they put the side effects at the end of the commercial … most people have already tuned out. The side effects are worse than any fucking thing the pill is going to cure.

Below is the “Safety Information” related to taking Humira …

Serious infections have happened in people taking HUMIRA. These serious infections include tuberculosis (TB) and infections caused by viruses, fungi, or bacteria that have spread throughout the body. Some people have died from these infections. For children and adults taking TNF blockers, including HUMIRA, the chance of getting lymphoma or other cancers may increase. There have been cases of unusual cancers in children, teenagers, and young adults using TNF blockers. Some people have developed a rare type of cancer called hepatosplenic T-cell lymphoma. This type of cancer often results in death.

TUBERCULOSIS and CANCER?! Are you fucking kidding me?! I think I’ll just deal with a little arthritis.

Not to single out Humira, here is the “Safety Information” for Lyrica …

LYRICA and LYRICA CR may cause serious, even life-threatening, allergic reactions. Stop taking LYRICA or LYRICA CR and call your doctor right away if you have any signs of a serious allergic reaction. Some signs are swelling of your face, mouth, lips, gums, tongue, throat or neck, if you have any trouble breathing, or have a rash, hives, blisters, or skin redness. LYRICA and LYRICA CR may cause suicidal thoughts. Do not stop taking LYRICA or LYRICA CR without talking to your doctor. If you stop suddenly, you may have headaches, nausea, diarrhea, trouble sleeping, increased sweating, or you may feel anxious. If you have epilepsy, you may have seizures more often.

LIFE-THREATING ALLERGIC REACTION and BLISTERS?! SUICIDAL THOUGHTS!? Maybe Fibromyalgia doesn’t seem so bad? The ironic part of this one is it can be taken for partial onset seizures but in the last line of the “Safety Information” it says you may have more seizures than often. Then why the fuck would someone take it!? Tell me they are not just trying to sell pills!

Here is the “Safety Information” for Xarelto …

Unexpected bleeding or bleeding that lasts a long time, such as: Nosebleeds that happen often, Unusual bleeding from gums, Menstrual bleeding that is heavier than normal, or vaginal bleeding. Bleeding that is severe or you cannot control. Red, pink, or brown urine. Bright red or black stools (looks like tar). Cough up blood or blood clots. Vomit blood or your vomit looks like “coffee grounds”. Headaches, feeling dizzy or weak. Pain, swelling, or new drainage at wound sites.

BROWN URINE and VOMIT THAT LOOKS LIKE COFFEE GROUNDS!? This one has some unique side effects! Vomit like coffee grounds!? What the fuck!? This one is treating some serious stuff like nonvalvular atrial fibrillation and deep vein thrombosis … so you may not care if you shit tar!

I’m no doctor but I can only imagine what a headache these commercials have caused for their profession. First they have to deal with everybody becoming pseudo-doctors with the amount of information on Google …

… and now we’re going to start telling them what pills we think we should take based upon a commercial!

I’m fortunate enough not to need any of the above mentioned pills but if you do … I’m glad they are available for you. I’m NOT trying to get them banned … I don’t believe in that. I’m just trying to get some truth in advertising from these drug companies. Don’t make a commercial with people having a great time running in the park or dancing or having coffee with friends … or hiking to a mountain top with their kid.

Let’s make this shit real. Show some real life pictures of the ailment the medicine treats and then say “… this pill will help with that but these are the known side effects.” Stop making the commercials look like they are promos for a fucking vacation. It’s fucking with people’s head! Pills that have side effects like … oh, I don’t know … death … shouldn’t be advertised like they’re amazing and everyone should take them. But they don’t really care if you need it or not … because really they are just trying to sell more prescriptions.

California Politician’s Hypocrisy

Gavin Newsom
David Chiu

A few days ago Governor Newsom signed Assembly Bill 1482. Under this new law property owners across the state cannot increase rent by more than 5% annually. David Chiu (D-SanFrancisco) authored the bill and stated “Our bill ensures tenants are protected against rent gouging …”

I won’t comment on whether I believe this is a good or bad bill because it’s irrelevant to the point I want to make. What I WANT to do is draw attention to the sheer hypocrisy of the governing body of California.

Let’s break this down.

In 1978 a landmark bill named Proposition 13 was passed by California voters. The bill limited the government’s power to increase property taxes to 2% annually. At the time, California County Assessors were pricing people out of their homes with re-assessed home values to try to increase their revenue. Although the government aggressively fought to defeat the passage of this bill … the voters prevailed.

Essentially, it was a law to prevent government from gouging property owners.

California government has constantly tried to repeal or knock down Prop 13 because it dramatically decreased the amount of revenue they can collect from property owners. Now the California Government has a ballot measure on the 2020 ballot to reform Prop 13 to re-assess commercial properties every three years thus creating a windfall in revenues for the State … at the expense of property owners.

In case any of you are having a hard time spotting the hypocrisy … let me spell it out for you. Apparently the government doesn’t like limits being put on it’s ability to collect revenue but they have no problem putting limits on their constituent’s ability to collect revenue. California is trying to get rid of the limit put on them while concurrently putting limits on property owners. I’m no scholar … but that sure seems to be the definition of hypocrisy to me!

Obviously a huge increase in rent is a problem that many people can’t afford. So, on it’s face, the bill seems like a good idea but it goes against free enterprise. I understand that something needs to be done to prevent people from their rent skyrocketing but when you have government stepping in and placing limits on property owners while at the same time trying to strike down a law that puts limits on the government … it just seems a little hypocritical.

Now looking towards the future …

Am I the only one nervous about the Government’s attack on Proposition 13!?

There is no limit to the amount of money the State Government wants to collect from it’s tax payers. What’s worse is that the majority of Californians take joy in fucking themselves over. There was already a state gas tax that goes to pay for roads … but it wasn’t enough for our money hungry state politicians … so they proposed another tax and it passed! Where the fuck are these Californians that keep voting for more taxes!?

Honestly, I’m a bit nervous about this ballot initiative to reform Prop 13 because I don’t have any faith left in my fellow Californians! They seem to be the easiest group of people to dupe! A $9-billion dollar bond Californians passed in 2008 to build a bullet train! Has anyone taken a ride on that bullet train yet!?

The government says it will only reform Prop 13 to affect commercial properties. Yeah, right! … and I’m holding the winning Lottery ticket for tonight’s drawing. Maybe they’ll start with that but once they earmark that money for some free program for illegal immigrants, they will be looking for another revenue source! You don’t think they are going to go after residential home owners when that time comes!?

How gullible are you? Rhetorical question!

Current State of Politics

The current state of politics in this country is a complete shitshow. Before you automatically align me with whatever political leaning you have so that you can feel like we’re on the same page … STOP! This has nothing to do with the left or the right … because as far as I’m concerned both sides are equally fucked-up. The whole institution has become so perverted that burning it to the ground and starting over seems to be the only logical solution.

Note to F.B.I.there’s no need to come knocking on my door. I don’t have a manifesto and I’m not literally planning some elaborate scheme to “burn down” the government … so just relax. There’s plenty of real threats you should focus on rather than some pessimistic whiner with a blog.

Both Democrats and Republicans are so focused on proving to us how egregious the other side is … they spend no time doing their fucking job of legislating. WAIT!! I may have found the silver lining in this whole mess. When the parties are so focused on showing us what evil pieces of shit the other side is … they don’t have time to pass ridiculous laws … (like these) … so maybe things aren’t as bad as they seem.

There is no high road anymore. Politicians used to try to keep a certain level of decorum. There were certain unspoken rules and topics you didn’t touch on. Somewhere along the line, politicians started tip toeing into those topics and no one called them out on it. The media ignored their journalistic oath in favor of ratings … and politics just slowly devolved until we reached the point we are at today. I suppose politicians are just a reflection of our society. Clearly we are heading towards Idiocracy!*

Politics used to be a chess game. You would outsmart your opponent and appear to be the better choice for the constituent’s vote. Politicians would convince you that they were worried about the same things you’re worried about and they are just like you. A politician would spend their time convincing you of the Utopian society they envision if elected and make outrageous statements about how they will make it a reality.

Now politicians just spend their time and money slinging shit and telling you what a complete fuck up the other candidate is. No vision necessary. Now they just try to convince you they are the lesser of two evils. It’s the equivalent of the nation being on an episode of Jerry Springer.

I realize that politics have always been somewhat dirty but it seems to me like it is worse than any time I can remember in recent history. A majority of the populace has no idea about civics anymore. If you are currently saying “I know about Honda. They make good cars.” … then you are part of the problem dumb shit! (Please click unfollow immediately!) Nobody knows their rights or duties to live in this crumbling Democratic Republic. All people are interested in anymore is what the politician promises to give to them. Hard work is a thing of the past. Entitlement is the new norm.

I don’t see any viable candidates on any fucking side anymore. Anybody who actually might be worth a shit steers clear of politics because they know they won’t be able to change a system so entrenched in cronyism. The whole system has become an elitist cash cow. People that are elected to office usually look for a similar office when termed out because what other job can you vote yourself a raise!? Politics were never meant to be a career! There are many candidates that campaigned on changing the system but once elected … they get devoured by the system. They find they are trying to change an establishment so large that they eventually succumb to things they promised to change … and thus become part of the problem.

The only hope we have is that most things are cyclical. Eventually things will turn around. Whoa … sorry! That sounded optimistic. I didn’t mean it! Actually … it is more likely that we will go the way of the Roman Empire. So self-aggrandizing and corrupt that we crumble from the inside out. Maybe not. Possibly there is someone in the fringe who will have a call to action and sweep change into our system. Help bring politics back into a meaningful state of affairs. Bring it back to a level of talking about issues and working on problems that will make our lives better.

Yeah … let’s believe that! I’m reminded of an old adage:

“Wish in one hand, shit in the other … and see which one fills up first.”


* In 2006, Mike Judge made a hilarious movie called Idiocracy. It chronicles the decline of civilization and the human race becoming a race of slow-witted, stupid idiots. In this movie the office of POTUS has become a joke. Terry Crews (top picture of this blog with Trump) portrays President Camacho in a hilarious take on what the Office of the President will be like in the future. Nostradamus has nothing on Mike Judge. This is definitely a gotta see movie!

TV Commercial Volume

I am the first one up in the morning. It is my time for a little peace and quiet before everyone wakes up. I grab my coffee and I turn on the TV to watch the news.

Everybody is still sleeping … so I turn the volume down low so that I can hear … but not so loud as to wake anybody up. I try to be very considerate … plus … if the volume is too loud and someone wakes up I can kiss my wake-up time goodbye.

I settle in and start watching the news. It’s nice and quiet. It’s so quiet that I can hear the refrigerator’s low hum when it cycles on. It’s so serene that I’m not even bothered by the apocalyptic stories being reported.

Coming up next … the weather after these few commercials


Holy shit! Why is the commercial so fucking loud! It’s like the volume went from 7 to 70 instantly … and I haven’t touched the fucking remote!

I panic and fumble to quickly grab the remote so I can turn it down. I spilled my fucking coffee … damn it! I listen for movement from the bedrooms. I don’t hear anything. How is it they didn’t hear that and wake up!? It sounded like a Top Fuel Dragster starting!

After I silently curse out the TV in my head for the sudden volume change … the news comes back on. Now I can’t hear the fucking news! I grab the remote again and cautiously turn up the volume.

I keep the remote close by. I’m not having that whole fiasco play out again! This time I’ll be ready when it appears we are going for a commercial break. The news breaks and I quickly turn down the volume. Whew! Caught it this time!

Why the fuck is this even a thing!? How hard is it to make the volume the same as the news!? Now what used to be my time to relax and drink coffee … has been ruined by the constant volume changes I have to perform. Fucking commercials! Fucking Larry!

Free Healthcare for Illegals

In what fucking world does this make sense!?

Oh yeah … California! The “Fuck-the-Working Man” state.

Governor Newsom … in all his “wisdom” … has passed a budget that will allocate $98 million in funding for undocumented young adults under the age of 26 to enroll in Medi-Cal. Hey! Governor Newsom, take a look around! Why don’t you take that $98,000,000 that you are going to spend on healthcare for people who are here ILLEGALLY and put it towards the crippling homeless problem that you are so conveniently blind to. Just look out your fucking window at City Hall and you can see what I’m talking about!

In all my years paying for healthcare, I have NEVER had the rates go down. Have you!? The bullshit logic Sacramento is peddling is that instead of illegals going into the emergency rooms when they are sick … with health care, they will be going to a primary care physician which will cost the state less. HUH!? How are multiple, regular office visits going to be cheaper than one time in the emergency room?

I’ll be honest, I don’t want to take the time to research the numbers and create a pie chart to prove this wrong. Honestly, maybe the numbers do work … but that is beside the point! It’s a matter of principle! These people broke the law and now we are going to reward them with free healthcare? Get the fuck outta here! With that kind of logic, we should let Bernie Madoff out of jail!

They broke the law! We are not supposed to reward them for that! They should be scared to get medical help … because they are here ILLEGALLY! If we make it okay for people living here illegally to get insurance and live their lives with no fear of being prosecuted for breaking the law … we might as well open the borders and put out the welcome mat …

… because now there is no reason for them not to come here. They figure all they have to do is get here … and everything is free!

Paulette Cha, a health policy expert for the Public Policy Institute of California, said it is unlikely that the expansion will attract more undocumented individuals to California who are specifically seeking out health care.


BULLSHIT! That’s exactly what it’s going to do! Hey Paulette, maybe you can pull your head out of Newsom’s ass and breath some fresh air in the hopes it will bring your common sense back.

Here is her bio in case you want to put a face to this absurd statement …

“If you believe in universal health care, you believe in universal health care” – Gavin Newsom

Hey Governor Sellout … I fork out $1000/month for my family to have health care. In the budget you passed, I’m STILL paying … but the person here ILLEGALLY is getting health care for free. That doesn’t sound like universal health care to me! It sounds like I’m getting fucked while someone who shouldn’t be here has won the lottery. If you want to try universal health care … maybe start by giving it to the citizen’s FIRST

… and then if there is anything left over, then you can try to sell the idea of covering the illegals.

Did you think I wouldn’t get pissed!? Oh! … you did figure I’d get pissed … that’s why you threw in a teeny-tiny subsidy for everyone paying the bill to try to make them feel like you aren’t bending them over a barrel and dry fucking them … which you are! Maybe the majority of people in this state don’t understand how shit works but I paid attention in civics class (when they used to teach it) and can actually do math … and it doesn’t add up! So, let me get this straight. I’m going to pay for someone else to have free health care while I pay and then the discount you are going to give everyone, I’m going to pay for ALSO! How does math work on your planet!?

Who’s going to pay for it!?


I doubt it! Most of them have already left for other states to get away from the toxic business environment you’ve helped create.

The Rich?

Unlikely! They can afford a great lawyer to help take advantage of all the tax loopholes so they don’t pay shit!

So I guess the shrinking middle class is on the hook … again! There is a limit to how much we can pay before we fall into the poor category, idiot. What then!? You certainly aren’t going to get any Federal help.

How about you focus on helping ME out … your constituent … and sideline your little anti-Trump bullshit! I DON’T need you to lead the fight against him … I need you to make California a place I can afford to live. I need you to take care of the homeless problem so I don’t step in human shit while I’m walking on the sidewalk. I need you to keep violent criminals off the street so my kids can play outside. I need you to fix the roads with that gas tax everyone I know voted against and I need you to rein in health care costs … for ME!not for people who are here illegally.

To quote you Governor Newsom:

“California is infamous for passing things and then waking up and saying, ‘What the hell did we just pass?'”

… consider what you just passed one of them.

Blackface Outrage

Let me start out by saying that if you are a person who has never done anything regrettable when you were younger … congratulations! Now … let me follow that up by calling you a liar. The person who tries to tell you they’ve never done anything offensive … is full of shit and hiding something probably worse than what you’re hiding. Nobody is perfect and people make mistakes. Those mistakes should NOT define a person.

Recently it was brought to light that Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau dressed up in blackface at a party … 18 years ago. He was teaching at a private school in 2001 that had an Arabian-Nights themed gala he attended. He innocently dressed up as a character from Aladdin and is now being crucified by the press. It was a fucking costume party! Relax!

This was obviously brought to light by somebody with an agenda. This happened almost 2 decades ago and now it’s being brought up … to be judged by today’s standards. You can try to argue with me … but I stand on the fact that the culture was just different in 2001. Things that “trigger” people now were dismissed 18 years ago as poor judgement … and people let it go. In today’s over-the-top, hyper-sensitive climate people can’t make any mistakes … EVER … or they are not fit to serve. They need to resign immediately! It’s fucking absurd!

Trudeau has one of the most diverse cabinets I’ve ever seen! If I didn’t know any better, I would think this was a picture from the United Nations! He’s got male, female, young, old, black, white, yellow. I’m sure one of them is probably transgender just to make sure that box is checked. He’s got Sikh people and someone in a wheel chair for fuck’s sake. I can confidently say … he’s not racist.

Obviously, it’s something I regret … and I shouldn’t have done it. – Justin Trudeau

But that’s not good enough! He has to sit in front of the camera and beg for forgiveness! He has to say how insensitive he was and that it was a huge, unforgivable mistake. He is truly sorry from the depths of his soul. He has apologized a million times but people won’t let it go. It was just a costume people!

I have to call bullshit on the whole blackface hypocrisy. White people cannot dress in blackface but black people can wear whiteface … and nobody says shit! Nothing is said about it being offensive. Everybody just laughs it off. What a double-standard!

Eddie Murphy dressed up as a white jew in Coming To America. He even played the character with the stereotypical mannerisms and voice. Nobody made issue with it.

Shawn and Marlon Wayans did White Chicks. They dressed up as stereotypical blond white women. They spoke with the typical OMG! vernacular that is associated with ditzy white women. I don’t remember any protests.

Nick Cannon put on whiteface to mock white people and their music. No one made it an issue. He did an interview in Rolling Stone about his mockery and it wasn’t even addressed. (Read the article here … and imagine if the roles were reversed!)

It’s total hypocrisy! Honestly, I don’t see any difference between what Trudeau did and the examples above. Both are simply portraying characters … and contrary to what seems to be socially acceptable now .. there’s nothing wrong with that! All he was trying to do was make his costume the best it could be for crying out loud! He wasn’t making any statement.

Do black people not have a sense of humor!? I’m guessing they do … because they see the humor in dressing up as white people and mocking how ridiculous white people can be … and yes, making fun of white people is funny too! Why is there the double-standard!? People have too much free time on their hands and are searching for something to be upset about!

Get a fucking job and stress out about making your mortgage payment … like most people! When you’re worried about paying your bills and saving for retirement … you don’t have time to get upset about stupid shit … like this.

Sorry Mr. Trudeau. It’s unfortunate … but it’s just the world we live in now.

By the way … I thought your costume knocked it out of the park!

Hidden Street Signs

I’m guessing you probably don’t pay attention to the signs on the side of the road since the majority of us all drive on autopilot. We take the same way to work. We take the same way home. We take the same road to the grocery store. Even if you get detoured, you usually just drive in that direction and eventually make it there.When you’re stopped at a light, you’re not looking around at your surroundings … you know damn well that you’re looking at your phone to see if anyone liked your post!

If you’re honest with yourself, you probably ignore most of the signs on the road. We all do … except of course when we get the notice in the mail that we have to test again for our license renewal. Then all of a sudden we start using our blinkers … we drive with our hands at 10 and 2 … we stop behind the crosswalk … all in the hopes we can re-train ourselves to pass the test! After we pass … we forget it all for another 5 years and just drive like normal.

BUT … when you’re out of town, suddenly you need those signs because you are in an unfamiliar place. We are forced to turn off the autopilot and pay attention. You start looking around for signs to help you navigate. This is when you notice that many of the signs are not visible because of overgrown trees or something like that and the anger starts!

Usually, it’s the sign you need the most! You always see it when it’s too late. You’re looking out your passenger window only to see the sign when you pass by and then you can’t get over in time and you miss the turn. This has caused many long winded diatribes that people (unfortunate enough to be in the car with me) must suffer through. It has threatened to put a damper on many vacations … not the blocked signs … my diatribes.

How difficult is it to cut the trees back so the signs are fucking visible!? Road crews always have some lane closed near the side of a road, backing up traffic unnecessarily. Why can’t they cut back the tree while they are there!? There’s usually 5 guys standing around while one guy digs … give one of these fuckers a chainsaw and have them start trimming that shit back! I’m pretty sure it won’t affect the project timeline. There’s still 4 people there to watch one guy dig!

It’s a complete fail of the city’s landscaping department! Why the fuck would you plant a tree in front of where you placed a street sign!? It makes no sense! What do you expect, though!? It’s a government job. Remember the last time you went to the DMV? Yeah, exactly!

When you call to complain, the intern answering the phone, attentively takes down your name, phone number and complaint. Then they pass it along to their superior for the matter to be handled. The complaint goes up the bloated chain of command until it reaches the Supervisor.

Once the complaint reaches this level, it is filed … never to see the light of day again … because the Supervisor has tenure and knows he doesn’t have to do shit and nothing’s going to happen to him. Government work at it’s finest!

Inept Grocery Baggers

It appears that the qualifications to become a grocery bagger have diminished over the years. I remember as a child going with my mom to the grocery store and watching the person bag the groceries. (Hey! … when I was a kid I didn’t have a cell phone to mindlessly stare into and watch any cartoon I wanted at any fucking time … so I had to entertain myself by observing the things around me.)

The guy visually scanned the groceries coming down the conveyor belt and would reach for things that he needed to create the perfect Tetris bag. He would leave things on the belt until he needed them. Every grab had a purpose and he hustled because once he was finished with our groceries he had to jump to the next aisle and bag those groceries. There was always an aisle he had to move to and bag groceries. He knew he had to hustle … or he would be replaced.

Clearly, the job is not viewed with the same high regard it once was. It’s apparent that no training is being done for this position anymore before putting the person into action. I believe the only qualification needed now for this job is breathing.

Everybody knows that you put the box shaped things at the bottom to keep the shape of the bag. Once you’ve established a base layer that keeps the bag’s shape … then you can be less critical about what you put in the bag. Now, when I say less critical, it certainly does not mean anything goes. There are certain hierarchies and groupings that must be adhered to for proper grocery bagging.

Every bag should have a base layer of boxed items … but you certainly wouldn’t want to put frozen things on top of boxes that aren’t frozen food. Come on! The frozen item will obviously start to thaw causing condensation … which due to the laws of gravity … will make it’s way down to the box. If you don’t get home right away, you are risking the box getting wet which could compromise the integrity of the structure you’ve built on the bottom layer. It’s not rocket science!

  • You also always try to keep frozen foods together! (The frozenness of the items help to keep everything cold)
  • You don’t pack vegetables at the bottom with things on top of them.
  • Bread and eggs are obviously top bag items.
  • And you certainly don’t put your vegetables in with your meats.

These all seem like pretty straight forward guidelines … don’t they!? I have gone to the grocery store and watched with great anxiety as my groceries are tossed in the bag with wanton disregard for any of these rules! Tomatoes on the bottom with liters of soda placed on top … yogurt at the bottom of the bag with hard edged cans haphazardly tossed on top of them … bread thrown in first only to have a pineapple stacked on top! It’s complete anarchy!

If you can’t … or won’t … adhere to these few basic guidelines, then you have no place bagging groceries! A large group of the people who currently hold these positions have a lackadaisical attitude. This is infuriating! Sure, it may not be your dream job … but it is your current job … so do it to the best of your ability. You never know who’s watching and you never know if it could lead to something else.

Regarding the phrase to best of your ability … I have to say something and it’s probably not going to be received very well and it’s probably going to piss a lot of people off … but … Fuck It! … someone has to say it.

Let me preface this by saying I think it’s awesome that grocery stores hire people with disabilities. They get my unwavering admiration for employing them and giving them a sense of normalcy and a chance to make a living … but … do they have to put them in the bagger position for fuck’s sake!? Can’t management have them stock shelves or sweep or do anything other than bag my groceries!?

Many of them just throw groceries in the bag in whatever order they come down the conveyor belt! No concern for keeping my vegetables pristine … total disregard for the box on the bottom rule … bruising my perfect apples that I painstakingly chose … smashing my loaf of bread into the size of a single dinner roll … decimating my bag of chips with liters of soda placed on top of them … I mean … come on! These groceries aren’t cheap! And if I dare say anything negative about their bagging skills … I’m a huge insensitive prick! I don’t think it’s fair that I’m put in the situation where I spend all this money on groceries and can’t say anything about if they’re being damaged in the bagging process without coming across as a dick. If a person doesn’t have the capacity to do a job well … disabled or not … then management is obligated to have them do something else. I’m not trying to be callous but if you can’t do the job … you can’t do the job. I mean …you certainly aren’t going to have a blind man officiate Wimbledon!

Sorry! It needed to be said. (You know where the comments button is located if you were triggered.)

In the interest of full disclosure, I was never a grocery bagger when I was younger … but I’m pretty sure I would have crushed it! Definitely better than the baggers I’ve recently come in contact with. I’m sure some of you, whom I’ve pissed off with my previous comment, would protest my declaration by saying …

If you haven’t done it … then you can’t say you would do it better.

Actually I can! The reason I know is because the past few years I’ve started having to bag my own groceries … and I do a hell of a better job than the baggers currently hired to do it! Ever since Aldi came to town the other grocery stores don’t staff baggers like they used to. I’m guessing they figure if you can bag your own groceries at Aldi … then you can do it here too. At first, I was pissed that now it became my job to bag my groceries … but in all honesty, it’s worked out better. Less shit gets damaged and I Tetris the fuck out of those bags! Alexey Pajitnov would be proud.

Recently, A young man was waiting at the end of the aisle to bag my groceries. I started to get that feeling of defeat wash over me … until I watched him. He put boxes on the bottom, kept the proper food groups together. He was a natural! I was so impressed I actually wanted to tip him out of disbelief that someone actually did it properly. I thought giving him a tip might come across as demeaning, so I decided against it … but I couldn’t let it go without telling him what a great job I thought he did. I said:

“Nice job bagging the groceries”

He looked at me … with the look only a teenager is capable of giving … that translated into whatever you fucking weird old man. I didn’t care though … I was so proud of him.

People Who Do Not RSVP

RSVP is an acronym for Répondez s’il vous plaît. It’s French for respond if you please. The literal translation to English gives the sense of ambiguity with the phrase if you please. It comes across this way only because of the grammatical structure of the French language. A true representation in English would be “please respond.” It’s not meant to translate if you feel like it. A response is always required … unless you are a self-absorbed asshole who doesn’t give a shit about being a decent human being.

I’m not quite sure when it became common place to ignore an RSVP? Actually … now that I think about it … I don’t think it’s ever become accepted to ignore an RSVP. Really, it just speaks volumes about a person’s lack of character when they ignore the RSVP!

The thing that pisses me off the most is the hypocrisy of some non-RSVP-ers. A person can ignore your RSVP numerous times but when they throw a get together and you don’t RSVP … they are outraged. An analogy would be a criminal who steals, knowing it’s wrong but still justifies their actions … and then when they are robbed, they get pissed.

It has never been easier to RSVP with the current technology … and people still don’t do it! Sure, in times past when you had to sit down, write out a response, find a stamp to put on the envelope and take it to the post office … it could be deemed laborious. Although it did not give you a legitimate excuse not to RSVP … it could be conceived that the person genuinely didn’t have the time to get it in the mail. Now you can RSVP on your phone … that you’re staring at for 18 fucking hours a day … and all that is required is clicking a button! It literally takes 3 seconds … and yet there are still people who don’t RSVP!

On a separate note … what is the maybe attending bullshit!? Make a fucking decision! If you click maybe what you are essentially saying is: “If nothing better comes up, I’ll come to your shitty party.”

Honestly, I don’t give a shit if you come or not …

… but I DO want to know how much food I have to get. I don’t want to end up with a refrigerator full of leftovers that I eventually have to throw out or be short on food if you fail to let me know you’re coming … and then show up!

Come on people! It’s never been easier to RSVP to an invite. Don’t be that person! If you’re worried about hurting someone’s feelings by not attending … don’t you think they’ll be more upset if you just never acknowledge their invite? If you don’t RSVP you’re basically saying to them that they’re not even worth 3 seconds of your time. That would sting more than you just not attending. Just saying …

A Women’s Problem

Before you start getting all riled up and start typing your angry tweets … holster your thumbs and just hear me out! I don’t want to get assaulted by every feminist in a 5o mile radius, so … let me state loud and clear … that I don’t think women’s problems are any less important than men’s problems. They are usually (oops! Sorry, Freudian slip … I’m JUST KIDDING, relax) just as valid and deserve our full attention.

The issue I have … is talking about them! Women handle their problems much differently than men do. Giving her the support she’s seeking is a struggle for most men because when she has a problem, she just wants to talk about it … that’s all.

“He never listens. All he wants to do is solve my problem.”

Uh …. yeah! Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do when you have a problem!? When men have a problem they define the problem, brainstorm solutions, decide the best solution and then implement the solution to solve the problem. Every man reading this currently is saying “Exactly!” … and every woman reading this is sighing with disappointment.

Ladies … we’re sorry. We just don’t understand your way of dealing with problems! Women define problems in broader terms and examine a wider array of potential factors before going into solution mode … if solution mode is ever even a destination. Men, by nature, are problem solvers. It’s in our DNA. Our natural inclination is to solve a problem that we are presented. Granted, we don’t always implement the best solution … but we decide on a solution and do it. Women on the other hand just want to talk about a problem and aren’t really looking for a solution. Huh!? This makes absolutely NO sense to a man! When women have problems and they want to discuss them with a man … this can often lead to … let’s say … misunderstandings or hurt feelings.

In a man’s mind, if she is coming to me with her problem … she needs help solving it. I love this woman … so we are going to figure out a solution so she can move past it. In a woman’s mind, she is thinking that he loves me so I can talk to him about my problem and how I’m feeling.

Men … a piece of advice. The last word in the previous paragraph is what it’s really about. It’s not about the problem … it’s about her feelings.

Women … a piece of advice. Feelings are the lowest rung on the ladder of problem solving for a man. If you come to us with a problem, our natural inclination is to solve it … not talk about feelings.

I’ve been told that when a woman wants to talk to you about her problem that she is not always looking for an answer. What!? As much as I understand these words … the sentiment goes against every fiber of a man’s being. Believe me, for the sake of tranquility, I have tried to just listen and not give solutions … but it doesn’t feel natural! When men discuss problems with other men, if the other guy does not offer up a solution … it means he doesn’t give a shit. So, if I have a solution to your problem and don’t voice it … in my brain … I feel as if I’m humoring you and giving the appearance that I don’t care about your problem. This couldn’t be further from the truth. If I’m actively giving you solutions to your problem, it means I care. If I’m just listening and not giving any suggestions … it means I don’t give a shit.

It all just comes down to the differences between men and women.

As hard as I try to just listen when my wife talks to me about something that’s bothering her, I cannot stop from telling her what I think she should do. It gives me anxiety to just sit and listen without offering up solutions. Problems are meant to be solved … not discussed. This annoys the shit out of her (I know because she’s told me so!) and you would think that I would have learned by now … but it’s not a matter of learning. It’s just how men’s brains work.

Truth be told, I’ve succeeded in listening and not giving solutions a few times. My wife would argue this has never happened … but it did. I remember … because it took every ounce of my being to keep my mouth shut! Even though I had what I thought to be a perfect solution, I bit my tongue … hard! The few times I did this, I felt I came across apathetic … and not to mention anxious for sitting there with the answer and not giving it. Do you know how hard that is for a know-it-all, like myself!?

So, let’s recap. You present me with a problem that you have. I have (what I think) is a perfect solution. You don’t want to hear the solution. You just want to talk more about the problem. On what planet does this make any sense? Oh that’s right … Venus.

… one of the funniest things I’ve seen regarding the difference between men and women’s brains is by Mark Gungor. You can watch it here. It’s G rated … but it is hilarious!