I am the first one up in the morning. It is my time for a little peace and quiet before everyone wakes up. I grab my coffee and I turn on the TV to watch the news.

Everybody is still sleeping … so I turn the volume down low so that I can hear … but not so loud as to wake anybody up. I try to be very considerate … plus … if the volume is too loud and someone wakes up I can kiss my wake-up time goodbye.

I settle in and start watching the news. It’s nice and quiet. It’s so quiet that I can hear the refrigerator’s low hum when it cycles on. It’s so serene that I’m not even bothered by the apocalyptic stories being reported.

Coming up next … the weather after these few commercials …

WERE YOU IN A TERRIBLE CAR ACCIDENT. CALL THE LAW OFFICES OF LARRY H. PARKER. WE’LL FIGHT FOR YOU!

Holy shit! Why is the commercial so fucking loud! It’s like the volume went from 7 to 70 instantly … and I haven’t touched the fucking remote!

I panic and fumble to quickly grab the remote so I can turn it down. I spilled my fucking coffee … damn it! I listen for movement from the bedrooms. I don’t hear anything. How is it they didn’t hear that and wake up!? It sounded like a Top Fuel Dragster starting!

After I silently curse out the TV in my head for the sudden volume change … the news comes back on. Now I can’t hear the fucking news! I grab the remote again and cautiously turn up the volume.

I keep the remote close by. I’m not having that whole fiasco play out again! This time I’ll be ready when it appears we are going for a commercial break. The news breaks and I quickly turn down the volume. Whew! Caught it this time!

Why the fuck is this even a thing!? How hard is it to make the volume the same as the news!? Now what used to be my time to relax and drink coffee … has been ruined by the constant volume changes I have to perform. Fucking commercials! Fucking Larry!