Gigantic Rolls of TP

I understand if you want to improve something. You want to make your product better. You want to make it out of … what’s the current feel good term … sustainable products. Go for it! I didn’t realize that the toilet paper business was so competitive and you needed to best your competition … but what do I know!? You can change the way you make it. You can tout how it’s “responsible paper making” and you use recycled paper. You can use a new “green” product that makes it feel like butter on your ass if you want and make it even more biodegradable. Sure … do all you can to make it a better product but stop making the fucking rolls bigger!!

I get the 1-ply to 2-ply thing. The rolls naturally got bigger because of the layers doubling. Nobody wants to use paper that’s nearly transparent. No one I know enjoys the accidental finger poke through … so that change I understood … but this shit is getting out of control now. The companies are in a competition to see who can make the largest roll! I don’t want to have to change out hardware in my bathroom just to accommodate the next generation of toilet paper that’s a 12″ diameter roll.

The Colossal-Super-Duper Mega roll.

Mega made the rolls too large! NOW they have Super Mega. What the Fuck!? What’s the next connotation going to be? Super-Duper Mega. What’s after that? Colossal-Super-Duper Mega? Is the traditional holder going to move from the wall to a stand alone piece of furniture in the bathroom!?

As much as I believe in the free market idea we need to have a Toilet Paper Consortium created to get this wayward trend under control! Now it’s getting harder and harder to find “normal” sized rolls because the toilet paper companies only want to sell the larger sized rolls! I don’t think I should have to change out my holder to accommodate this trend. I have enough other shit that needs to be done on my house! Why is this even a thing!? Are we that lazy that we don’t want to have to change the roll out more than once a month? Are people that full of shit? Forget that question … I know the answer. Everybody else seems to be okay with this trend. I must be alone on this one. I guess I’ll have to start shopping for a new fucking toilet paper holder tomorrow.

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