Under Lock and Key

I understand as a business you have to protect yourself from theft. Increasingly there seems to be more and more losers who don’t think twice about stealing things. (I think it’s because they have no fear of being prosecuted due to the fucked up legal system of this state … but I don’t want to get off topic … so we’ll save that for another time.) And any of you that want to try and justify it with the wealth inequality shit … don’t. Regardless of how much money you have or don’t have … stealing is wrong.

As far back as I can remember, all the expensive items have always been behind a counter or locked up in a case because you just can’t seem to trust your fellow man. And before you start spouting off about how you don’t feel that way and you trust your fellow man … do you lock your door at night when you sleep? That’s what I thought … so shut the fuck up.

These days everything seems to be locked up! It’s not just the expensive shit. Case in point. One morning I noticed that my brake fluid was low. I wanted to take care of this before I went to work … so I begrudgingly resolved myself to going to Walmart since the auto parts store doesn’t open that early. I figured “It’s brake fluid. They won’t have that locked up.” That would be a poor assumption!

Now even auto supplies are locked up in a cabinet! This isn’t a $600 camera or expensive jewelry. It’s $1.98 brake fluid! Apparently, I need to start looking for another place to live! If they can’t even leave a $2 product out in the open for fear of theft, things are worse off in my neighborhood than I thought!

I’m here though and my truck needs brake fluid. It’s 6:30 in the morning. I know it’s early but there are employees stocking shelves. I track one down and ask them if they can open the case for me so I can get my brake fluid and go. Can you guess what his response is going to be? I’m sure you can!

“Oh, I don’t have keys to that … let me find the guy who does.”

Of course! Why the fuck would you give your employees keys to the case to help your customers out!? After he strolls off and I take some deep breaths, I tell myself that maybe he’s a new employee and he hasn’t yet reached the gilded status to wield the sacred case keys. I wait a couple minutes and figure at the pace he walked away from me … it’s gonna be a couple hours before he even reaches somebody else. Since the clock is ticking until I have to go to work (and I’m really fucking impatient) I search for another employee who hopefully can be more help. After tracking another one down, I ask him if he has keys to get into the case. Guess what he says?

“Oh …. noooo, I don’t. Let me find someone who does bro.”

You’ve got to be fucking kidding me! He slowly walks off with the promise to find the Manager who has the keys. I wait impatiently, weighing in my head how important the brake fluid is … and how big a dick I’m going to be if someone ever shows up with the keys! I asked 3 more employees and got the same fucking response from all of them. Does anybody in this fucking store have keys to this case!? If this wasn’t my life … I would have sworn I was on Kutcher’s Punk’d! After waiting 13 minutes (no exaggeration) I said fuck it and left … but not before making some passive-aggressive comment about wondering where the fuck the Manager had to come from to the poor guy just showing up for his shift.

If you are a business and are going to lock your merchandise up … then have a fucking employee nearby that can open the damn case! I understand if one employee can’t be trusted with the keys (for whatever reason) but I asked 5 fucking employees and none of them had keys to open this case! And where the FUCK is the Manager they all said they were going to get!? There’s hardly any customers in the store. He can’t be that busy! Put your coffee down and get your ass over to the case mother-fucker and unlock it for me. Is customer service an antiquated idea that has fallen by the wayside? Was I expecting too much!? I don’t know … maybe I just have unrealistic expectations.

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