Writing Checks for Groceries

In reality, this is really just a pet peeve against old people I guess because no one else is writing checks anymore. Just calm the fuck down and let me explain before you start in with the you’re such an asshole bit! I don’t have a problem with them writing checks. Hell, I’m envious because they have much less chance of their identity being stolen writing checks. What I have a problem with is them waiting to get the checkbook out of their purse until the last item has rung up. Pull that shit out and start filling it out while your Ensure, Metamucil and Sanka are being rung up! You know what store you’re in. Fill in that area. You know the date. Fill in that area. Sign it and then wait for them to give you the total so that’s the last thing you need to fill in and you’re done in a matter of 30 seconds after that.

[Unless, of course, they write the wrong total. Oh shit! Then they have to write VOID on the check … tear it out of the checkbook … tear it up into 1000 little pieces and put it back in their purse … open their check register … write the VOID in the ledger and balance the register before even starting to write the new check.]

I know you’re retired and this is the “event” for the day but I have a busy life and I have 50 other things I have to do today … unlike you. Just because you got old doesn’t mean it excuses you from trying to be efficient and courteous of other people’s time. Shit, you’ve probably written over 10,000 checks by now in your life, so you now how to do it! You can’t tell me that at least once you haven’t been in line behind some nice old lady. The cashier gives her the total and then she starts digging around in her purse. Pulling things out, stacking them on the counter, so she can get to her checkbook at the bottom. Then … she starts searching for a pen to write with. If you didn’t start to think “Oh my God! Are you serious!?” You ARE a fucking liar! Look, I have a grandmother and I love her to pieces but if she was in front of me doing the shit I just mentioned, I would think the same about her. Maybe the way the stores have a 15 items or less lane … they should have a 70 and older lane so that all the old people can take their time in line writing checks and the people behind them will be understanding because … they’re going to do the same damn thing!

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